Let God Arise

Advent here we come

2011-11-29T20:21:00.001-08:00

Usually I can't wait for Thanksgiving to pass so I can start decorating, buying presents, and playing Christmas music 24/7. But, this year has been different. I find that I am almost forcing myself to move on from this overwhelming thankfulness into preparing for the Advent season. Instead of focusing on what's going on around me right now (that I am so thankful for) I want to be clearing my mind as I await the celebration of Christ's arrival on earth. This is a special time of year that I have come to love not only for the movies, cookies, candy, lights, music, snow, presents, and time with friends and family, but for the 29 days of Advent. 29 days that I get to focus on the Hope, Love, Joy and Peace that came to us through a tiny little helpless baby, with poor parents, in a dirty stable.

As I sat in front of my friends at church this week I was overwhelmed with thankfulness. For the first time in a long time I felt like I had people "who've got my back." I've got friends that love Jesus, that encourage me to love Him more, that let me live with them, pray with them, hang out in their shop with them. I have friends to laugh with, to confess to, who encourage my creativity, and teach me new things. You all know who you are, and you might think that God brought you to Springfield to run a store, open a coffee shop, be a nurse, or work with a church but really, you're here because I needed you in my life.

Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. 1 Chronicles 16:8

Simple Truth

2011-03-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you." Luke 6:27-31

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” Luke 6:37-38

Oh the devil’s singing over me

An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain:
Jesus saves!

-Shane and Shane "Embracing Accusations"

These are a few of my favorite things

2011-03-15T17:34:00.000-07:00

Chai

In a coffee shop

With free wifi

a good friend

and good music.

And another friend and coffee shop on the schedule tomorrow.

Build Us Back

2011-03-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

This song was just released by Know Hope Collective , a group started by Mark Stuart and Will Mcginnis (formerly of Audio A). Its about Haiti, but also the hope that God offers to every situation in each person's life. It really gave me joy this morning. There's nothing better than facing the facts that we're helpless and we have a God who can build us back up from anything!

We’ve been crumbled, we’ve been crushed

City walls have turned to dust
Broken hands and blistered feet
We walk for miles to find relief

When the thief takes, when our hopes cave
You build us back
You build us back
When the earth shakes, when the world breaks
You build us back
You build us back

We are scared, we are poor

All our safety nets are torn
We’ve been humbled to our knees
From these ruins, we believe

Redeemer, redeem us
Restorer, restore us
Oh build us back
Though the mountains be shaken, the hills be removed
Your unfailing love remains
After all that’s been taken, Your promise, still sacred
You build us back with precious stones

Today's Prayer

2011-03-03T17:21:00.000-08:00

"Dear Lord,

Help me to understand that you have a plan for my life, even beyond my farthest dreams. You want me to trust You and to be obedient, to seek Your will first, and then to use my creativity and intelligence to carry it out... Help me not to run ahead of You, deciding on my own what is the best action to take without ever seeking Your advice... When I realize that we are to be partners, then I understand that the opportunities You provide me will lead to the greatest fulfillment for my life... Let me accept joyfully whatever You give me to do no matter how small. Let my daily actions be Your gospel.

In the name of Jesus I pray,

Amen"

-D.L. Hammond

Wonder why

2011-03-01T21:39:00.001-08:00

Do you ever have days when God puts something before you and you don't really know why? 4 times today I read or heard about how God has plans.

I found hope in the Duggar's story as I read how God provided for them over and over as they waited and followed His plans for their children, home, and business. And I cried as I saw Arthur on the Biggest Loser hold his head high, stop the tears and declare, "I prayed to God 'you make this happen' and he opened up this path for me and if its his plan for me to go home tonight I'm gonna be alright." I knew every emotion that he was feeling at that moment, having no clue what God was up to.

"What we do for God is not something we manufacture; it is something God reveals to us when we are ready."-Tom Blackaby

I know God has plans for me. I know that even though others are counting down the days I have left, and pressuring me to plan my life, if I wait on God he'll show me what's next when I'm ready to know. I'm just kind of puzzled as to why God felt the need to lay all this out for me today when it wasn't really anything new...

But hey, I'm definitely not complaining! God's communicating with me and that is better than anything else in the world.

Today's Prayer

2011-02-27T20:55:00.000-08:00

O Jesus, I Have Promised by John E. Bode

O Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end;
Be Thou forever near me, my Master and my Friend;
I shall not fear the battle if Thou art by my side,
Nor wander from the pathway if Thou wilt be my Guide.

O let me feel Thee near me! The world is ever near;
I see the sights that dazzle, the tempting sounds I hear;
My foes are ever near me, around me and within;
But Jesus, draw Thou nearer, and shield my soul from sin.

O let me hear Thee speaking in accents clear and still,
Above the storms of passion, the murmurs of self will.
O speak to reassure me, to hasten or control;
O speak, and make me listen, Thou Guardian of my soul.

O Jesus, Thou hast promised to all who follow Thee
That where Thou art in glory there shall Thy servant be.
And Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end;
O give me grace to follow, my Master and my Friend.

O let me see Thy footprints, and in them plant mine own;
My hope to follow duly is in Thy strength alone.
O guide me, call me, draw me, uphold me to the end;
And then in Heaven receive me, my Savior and my Friend.

I'd Rather Have Jesus

2011-02-27T20:37:00.000-08:00

I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands,
I’d rather be led by His nail pierced hand.

Than to be a king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin’s dread sway,
I’d rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame,
I’d rather be true to His holy name.

He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;
He’s sweeter than honey from out of the comb;
He’s all that my hungering spirit needs,
I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead.

Quote of the Day

2011-02-22T21:30:00.001-08:00

"We've been doing sprints at 8, 9, & 10 when we could have been doing them at 12! Think about it, how many other things in life are we doing half ass?!" - Jillian Michaels

Forgotten God by Francis Chan

2011-02-22T15:37:00.000-08:00

"I wanted God to see that I could be a good servant...But God didn't want a good slave who tried really hard. He wanted me to see that He was a good father. He wants intimacy."

"The way of the Spirit is not a gentle downhill grade. Often, walking with the spirit is an uphill trudge through all sorts of distractions and difficulties."

"His purposes are not random or arbitrary. If you are still alive on this planet, it's because He has something for you to do."

"It's absolutely vital to grasp that he didn't call you here so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace."

"If everyone gave and served and prayed exactly like you, would the church be healthy and empowered? Or would it be weak and listless?"

"I am tired of living in a way that looks exactly like people who do not have the Holy Spirit of God living in them...I want to be different today from what I was yesterday as the fruit of the Spirit becomes more manifest in me."

Catholic

2011-02-13T17:58:00.000-08:00

I think about becoming a catholic quite often. I'd be really good at it, I'd learn all the prayers, say them a billion times, go to mass every day, light the candles, say confession, become a nun. I love the tradition, the beauty, and the reverence of it all. (There's just that whole theology thing that I don't agree with.)

Although I will never become a catholic I do try to incorporate their practice of confession into my life. When I hide the truth about myself I feel like its eating away at me. But when I confess I feel freedom. I also feel more urgency to change my behavior when my friends know the true ugliness about me.

Growing up in Christian Union and Baptist churches I never heard much about confession. It was something you did to become a christian, or once a quarter when you had communion. But I love having confession as a regular part of my life now, its so great being 100% open and honest before God.

"Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy." Prov 28:13

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Obsessed?

2011-02-11T20:14:00.000-08:00

People who are obsessed with Jesus live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another. Obsessed people believe that Jesus talked about money and the poor so often because it was really important to Him. (1 John 2:4-6, Matt 16:24-26)

Obsessed people are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. (Luke 14:25-35, Matt 7:13-23, 8:18-22, Rev 3:1-6)

Obsessed people know that you can never be "humble enough," and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known. (Matt 5:16)

People who are obsessed with Jesus do not consider service a burden. (Matt 13:44, John 15:8)

Obsessed people genuinely think that others matter as much as they do, and they are particularly aware of those who are poor around the world. (James 2:14-26)

A person who is obsessed thinks about heaven frequently.

People who are obsessed with God have an intimate relationship with Him. They are nourished by God's word throughout the day because they know that forty minutes on Sunday is not enough to sustain them for a whole week.

For more check out chapter 8 of Crazy Love by Francis Chan

1 Timothy 6:6-12

2011-02-11T19:13:00.000-08:00

THIS IS WHAT I WANT!

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:6-12

Over half of the world lives on $2 a day. I am rich compared to the world, and yet I let money pull me away from my faith and pierce me with "many griefs." Stupid.

Moses

2011-02-11T06:52:00.000-08:00

One day Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Take these people up to the Promised Land.’ But you haven’t told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, ‘I know you by name, and I look favorably on you.’ If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.”

The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.” Exodus 33:12-14

I can totally relate with Moses in this passage! He's going on a journey with God and he starts thinking, "wait a minute, I have no clue what's going on here! How is this going to work?" So he goes to God and says "Hey God, if what you are saying is true then let me know what you're up to so I can understand it and find joy on this crazy journey." God does not reply with anything to help Moses understand, he just says "Moses I'm going to be with you, everything will be fine."

On my own crazy journey with God I've asked for understanding so many times. As a kid, rather than making up things to play I would pretend I had an orphanage and plan, organize, and make budgets. I love having understanding of how things could work. But just like Moses, God has never granted me understanding when I've asked for a glimpse of what he is up to. And then, I start to lose my joy.

I need to learn a thing or two from Moses. God, the creator of the universe, tells me I don't need to understand, I just need to know that he's there with me. I HAVE to learn to let that be enough. Moses got it, as the story continues he says, "ok God, just promise you'll be with me! And let me see more of you!" Instead of losing my joy and freaking out that I don't understand I've just got to throw myself at God and say, "you're all I've got, give me more of you!" As Beth Moore puts it "the healthy child of desperation is devotion." In my time of desperation rather than obsessing about what I don't know my devotion to God has got to grow.

Even though I don't understand what's going on in my life right now I've got to believe Psalm 33:4 and 11 "For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything he does...The Lord’s plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken." God knows what's up, I don't have to know.

Motivation

2011-02-10T13:14:00.000-08:00

I say that I run so that my body will be in good shape. Because it is God's temple, I need to take care of it. I want to be ready and in good physical condition to be able to tackle any sort of service opportunity God should throw at me. But honestly, the reason I'm running today is so that I can eat an ice cream cone tonight and not feel guilty about it. Junk food has pretty much become my reason for running. I'm beginning to see that that is a little hypocritical on my part. If I'm going to say that I run to take care of my temple why would I not also eat to take care of my temple? Gluttony will always be my "deadly sin" and instead of justifying it by working out I should really just learn to turn the other way and live an all around healthy lifestyle. Geeze, this stinks, I hate feeling more convicted after writing something than I did at the beginning. Maybe tonight I'll just go for some post run chocolate milk and a banana instead.

My new mantra

2011-02-09T14:52:00.000-08:00

"I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don't have control, because it makes me run to God."- Francis Chan

I talked with a person once who told me that you can know all the answers in your head but still not believe them in your heart. And, if you say them over and over to yourself you actually make that connection from your brain to your heart. So I am taking on this new mantra. I will say it over and over to myself until I actually become thankful in my heart for the unknowns and lack of control because they do make me run to God the safest, most perfect place to be.

He's Answering

2011-02-09T13:51:00.000-08:00

I prayed for God to clean me out, to give me a fresh start, and he is answering! The first step was to clearly see the state of my mind and soul. These were all things I've known, but I needed to have God place them in front of me and make me acknowledge their ugliness. This time I couldn't see them out of the corner of my eye and quickly look the other way.

“Yet I want your will to be done, not mine”….Jesus was completely focused on God’s plans…for Himself and others.This submission meant great personal suffering and sacrifice. So many times we “say” we want God’s will to be done, not our own…but then when He doesn’t act the way we want Him to act/use us the way we want to be used/give us the things we want to be given…we rebel, act out, pout, etc. - A Pilgrim"s Potpourri of Perpendings

"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek arrogance." -Crazy Love

The Positive Legacies My Parents Passed Down

2011-02-08T20:31:00.000-08:00

1. Stability - I lived in the same house from age 1 until I left for college (parents didn't move until I was 22). My parents had the same jobs for over 30 years, and have been married for 34 (I think that's right). I went to the same church every Sunday from age 1 to 16. I am thankful that this is what is "normal" for me.

2. Family ties are important- I have the best Aunts, Uncles and cousins in the world, and their husbands,wives, and kids are turning out to be pretty awesome too. There's about 50 of us now when we're all together I think. My mom is always the one to plan the family reunions and big dinners. I've been so blessed by my relationships with my cousins! I'm glad she has put in the effort to bring us all together over the years. My Dad has also shown this importance as he gives his time and money to his in-laws who are all he has in the way of "family."

3. Real women work hard- I guess I should probably chalk this one up to my Grandma Ruth (from whom I received my middle name). My Grandma's mother passed away when my Grandma was just a kid. She eventually dropped out of school to stay home and care for her baby sister and the rest of her siblings. After taking care of her siblings she became a farmer's wife and raised 10 children of her own. At the age of 81 she continues to help raise her grandchildren that live near by. Her driven "get done what needs to be done, and do it the right way" state of mind was passed down to my mother and is now in my blood as well.

"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12

Today's Prayers

2011-02-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

Thou that hast given so much to me,

Give one thing more- a grateful heart;

Not thankful when it pleaseth me

As if Thy blessings had spare days;

But such a heart, whose pulse may be

Thy praise.

-George Herbert

Far too often I find myself to be demanding and ungrateful. It disgusts me. I want so much to be broken of my hard hearted, entitled attitude toward God. I am nothing but useless to God and a burden to others. All dejectedness in my life is my fault, I will learn to seek God, not his answers, to obey the things he has placed in front of me today, and to recognize the work he is doing in everyday events.

Lord, make my soul

To mirror Thee,

Thyself alone

To shine in me,

That men may see

Thy love, Thy grace,

Nor note the glass

That shows Thy Face.

-Blanche Mary Kelly

R...R...R...

2011-01-29T20:52:00.000-08:00

"The Earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world and all its people belong to him." Psalm 24:1

"The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and care for it." Genesis 2:15

The fact that the Earth belongs to God should be enough incentive for us to not trash it up. We take care of the nice TV's God has given us, or our laptops. But what about the nature around us that sustains life?! Say you wanted to go on a vacation so you borrow your friends' RV. Wouldn't you take the best care of it that you possibly could, and return it in just as good of shape as when you got it? (or maybe even better shape!) That's the same thing we are doing here. We are borrowing a temporary home that belongs to God. And, its quite rude and disrespectful to trash it an leave it behind, especially when others are going to borrow it after us.

Not only does the Earth belong to God, the first thing he did after he created man was put him in the awesome garden He had made and said "here, take care of this." He wants us to take care of his creation so lets do it.

Wake Up

2011-01-29T19:28:00.000-08:00

I am seriously torn up by how desensitized so many of us have become, especially Americans. We have life nice and easy. We are sheltered and protected and if something doesn't make us feel happy we can look the other way. Generally we are so busy making sure that our lives and our friends lives are awesome that we don't look beyond our little bubbles.

I just got done watching half of Taken with 12 and 13 year old boys. They thought it was good entertainment. They thought a movie about prostitution and teenage girls getting sold into slavery was good entertainment. Not to mention the drugs, corrupt government workers getting slave money, and more murders than could be counted. This crap is REAL, peoples' children are being sold into slavery by the millions. And we just think its a good saturday night flick.

There are more slaves in the world today than there have ever been (LA Times). More slaves than when slavery was legal! That is crazy. The fight to end legal slavery was only won in the United states and England with enormous aide from churches. The fight to end slavery in our day will only become a reality if we start opening our eyes and get our churches involved again.

This is not entertaining, this is real lives, of real people:

The average age of entry into prostitution in the United States is 13 years old
Lowest estimates suggest that over 325,000 youth in the United States are prostituted.
In some countries such as Guatemala, children account for up to 80% of the prostitution population
Human trafficking has become a trade which earns twice as much world wide revenue as coca-cola
Human trafficking is the second largest source of illegal income worldwide exceeded only by drug trafficking

http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/

http://www.stopthetraffik.org/

www.ecpat.net

www.unicef.com

www.freethechildren.com

Coming soon: Why the "Slap Game" for iphone isn't funny, especially when 2 and 3 year olds are playing it.

My Utmost 1/26

2011-01-26T21:51:00.000-08:00

...we are taken up with confusing considerations. How much time have we taken up worrying God with questions when we should have been absolutely free to concentrate on His work? Consecration means the continual separating of myself to one particular thing. We cannot consecrate once and for all. Am I continually separating myself to consider God every day of my life?

Straight Ahead

2011-01-24T06:29:00.000-08:00

"Look straight ahead and fix your eyes on what lies before you." Prov 4:25

When I look straight ahead I see Jesus and Jake and Eli. God has called me to pursue a relationship with Jesus, and to do the best I can to give Jake and Eli healthy diet, and healthy activity, in a patient, fun, relaxed atmosphere. When that is all I'm focused on I am at peace. When I start looking to the sides and noticing all the things I don't have that I want, or what God is doing in other peoples' lives that I wish he were doing in mine I become bitter, jealous, and hurt. God knew it would be this way for us and that's why he gave us a book full of his wisdom to teach us to get our focus where it needs to be. I'm so thankful that God reached out to us all through the Bible and that he still reaches out to us individually today.

"For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified." 1 Cor 2:2

Service

2011-01-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Lord Jesus, remind me that although I am busy with acts of service, You really want me to BE a servant. I can serve You and still be egotistical and proud; but to be a servant, I need to humble myself, to put others needs first, and to be willing to "wash feet" as You did...Oh Lord, am I a big enough person for that, secure enough in my own identity? Help me to be all that You want me to be through the power of the Holy Spirit. In your holy name I pray. Amen. (D.L. Hammond)

Prayer

2011-01-23T08:04:00.000-08:00

If you have never had any distractions you don't know how to pray. For the secret of prayer is a hunger for God and for the vision of God, a hunger that lies far deeper than the level of language or affection And a man whose memory and imagination are persecuting him with a crowd of useless or even evil thoughts and images may sometimes be forced to pray far better, in the depths of his murdered heart, than one whose mind is swimming with clear concepts and brilliant purposes and easy acts of love...

It is the will to pray that is the essence of prayer, and the desire to find God, to see him and to love Him is the one thing that matters. If you have desired to know Him and love Him, you have already done what was expected of you...

No matter how distracted you may be, pray by peaceful, even perhaps inarticulate, efforts to center your heart upon God, who is present in you in spite of all that may be going through your mind. His presence does not depend on your thoughts of Him. He is unfailingly there; if He were not, you could not even exist. The memory of His unfailing presence is the surest anchor for our minds and hearts in the storm of distraction and temptation by which we must be purified.

-Thomas Merton

Good Morning!

2011-01-22T08:14:00.000-08:00

Who needs coffee and donuts...

When you've got a swimsuit and inhaler?

I LOVE SWIMMING!

Phil 4:12-13

2011-01-20T20:23:00.000-08:00

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." - Paul and Timothy to the church in Philippi

I have so much to learn. When I was at college I was surrounded 24/7 by people within 2 years of my age. All I wanted back then was to be around some kids and adults, to feel like I was actually part of a functioning world. Now that I'm always with kids and old people all I want is to have someone my age around.

I want to learn the secret of being content. I want to be thankful, focused on and satisfied with what I have here and now. One things for sure, I know the only place I'm going to find this contentment is in the arms of Christ.

These Are Great Days

2011-01-18T09:44:00.000-08:00

This is how I spend my days:

Potty Training (aka bribing the boys to use a toilet!)
Napping

Building Santa's house ("Now can I eat one?!" -Jake)
Making decorated brownies ("I want a snowman!" -Eli)

Fishing

Making Playdough

Playing at the lake ("Yee-haw cowboy!")

("Custal, the wake is all fwozen!" -Jake)
Sledding ("swedding is awesome!" -Eli)
Eating Snow

Baking muffins ("They're not muffins they're cupcakes!" -Jake)
(Woody waving at the muffins)
Building a pile

Oswald Chambers

2011-01-17T10:59:00.000-08:00

The call of God is not a call to serve him in any particular way.

The call is the expression of the nature of the One who calls, and we can only recognize the call if that same nature is in us.

The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves...But to be brought to the place where we can hear the call of God is to be profoundly changed.

Its such a relief to know that as long as I am pursuing Christ and am in a right relationship with him I will not miss the call of God. Its not a call "to do," but its a call "to be." To be in a growing relationship with Christ, to be in tune with his nature, to be the expression of God's call to others. As long as I am being those things the service opportunities will naturally present themselves. Then, as an expression of my love for God and others I can serve freely.

Great Day

2011-01-16T22:36:00.000-08:00

Today was a great Sunday. In less than 12 hours God took me from the bottom of a pit that was only getting deeper and lifted me up onto solid ground. As Psalm 40:1-3 puts it:

I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the LORD

and put their trust in him.

That has been my Psalm for years. I genuinely hope and pray that I am coming to a time in my life where I can say that I have stayed on the "firm place" and refrained from falling into yet another "slimy pit." I'm so done with this cycle of pit, cry out to God, solid ground, new song, same old pit, cry out to God...

Identifying the lies satan is feeding me, and I am accepting as truth, is key for my freedom from the pits. I nailed a big one today. Satan feeds me the tale that "God has just forgotten me." As I sat around with some friends tonight I found myself fighting back tears as the fear that I may have actually been forgotten ambushed me. All I have to do now is laugh and remind myself that that is a lie and I am free from satan's grip.

Today was also a great day because I ran 4.5 miles. The farthest I've ever ran in my life! I really didn't know it was possible for me to do such a thing. And, a protein shake combined with 30 minutes of yoga afterwards made for a great recovery! After running 4 last week I felt horrible, and was a little scared for this week. But, after my 4.5 I'm actually looking forward to tackling 5 miles next weekend. I am really REALLY looking forward to my 8 mile weekend. After 8 miles I'm going to buy a package of double stuff oreos and eat them until I can eat no more. I figure after burning over 1000 calories my body can handle a few cookies. That's really my motivation to run, I run to eat.

Today I am free. Today I made the commitment to go "all in" at the church God has given me the opportunity to serve at. Today I am moving forward. Today I have accepted forgiveness. The fact that I am living today is all because of JESUS' love for me and NOTHING that happened today happened without him putting it into motion.

...The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Deut 6:4

New Hobby

2011-01-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

I have decided that my new hobby is going to be practicing yoga. I do enjoy a good butt kickin' yoga workout with Jillian Michaels or Tony Horton, but I want to start practicing the slow, deep meditative kind. I've had stress issues since middle school, and the more I run the tighter my muscles are getting so I figure picking up this new hobby will be fun and helpful in more ways than one.

The pose pictured above is my goal that I'm working towards. (I wouldn't mind having those sleeves someday either!) I'm super excited to get some upper body strength, and see what kind of crazy poses I can do in a few years!

Namaste

Shhh

2011-01-12T18:31:00.001-08:00

I once heard a story of two guys who were chatting about their faith. One asked the other, "tell me about your personal relationship with God?" To this the man replied, "Oh, no, I can't. That is much to intimate to share."

I always thought that was kind of weird, until recently. I'm really open about everything. I don't try to hide or cover up the junk that's been in my life, and I love rejoicing with others when good things come as well. But recently I've found myself journaling a lot instead of blogging all my thoughts out. It probably has something to do with that fact that I'm just now starting to understand the HUGE gap between God's awesomeness and my patheticness. But this time I've been spending with God has been so sweet, and so intimate. Its great just to have something between the two of us. And I don't really want to share it with the world, at least not yet, because its just God's and my thing. For the first time in 7 years of being a Christian, I get why that man would say that he didn't want to share about his personal relationship with God.

A word from Daniel

2010-12-02T07:37:00.000-08:00

"O Lord, hear. O Lord, forgive. O Lord, listen and act! For your own sake, O my God, do not delay, for your people and your city bear your name." Daniel 9:19

Then he said, "Don't be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer." Daniel 10:12

"Don't be afraid," he said, "for you are deeply loved by God. Be at peace; take heart and be strong!" Daniel 10:19

snow

2010-11-30T10:39:00.000-08:00

First snow of the winter November 30, 2010!

Psalm 119:133

2010-11-30T08:37:00.000-08:00

Guide my steps by your word, so I will not be overcome by evil. Psalm 119:133

God's word offers us so much. Freedom, guidance, protection, confidence. This verse is a good reminder to me that I need to take life one step at a time. And when those steps are guided by God's word I will find victory over all the evil crap that keeps trying to creep in.

Switchfoot- Let That be Enough

2010-11-30T07:51:00.000-08:00

I wish I had what I need
to live on my own

'cause I feel so defeated

and I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless

And I have no plans

I'm a plane in the sunset

with nowhere to land

And all I see

it could never make me happy

And all my sand castles
spend their time collapsing

Let me know that you hear me

let me know your touch

let me know that You love me

let that be enough

And I feel stuck
watching history repeating

yeah, who am I?

just a kid who knows he's needy

let me know that you hear me

let me know your touch

let me know that You love me

and let that be enough

I can't wait until I get to the point when just knowing God hears me and loves me is enough. I know it can be, I've been there before. But now I'm stuck in my worry and thinking that God and ______ will be enough. There's a daily, minute by minute choice I've got to make to put aside my tendancy to think like the rest of the world does until just having God is enough. It can be my first response to trust and accept God's peace and I want to push on until it is.

Seasons Change

2010-11-18T11:46:00.000-08:00

"Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, 'Dry bones listen to the word of the Lord! This is what the sovereign Lord says: Look, I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.'" Ezekiel 37:4-6

There is nothing more life giving to me than God's word. As I read these verses today it was just like God was speaking directly to me. I've felt like dead, dried up, forgotten bones for so long and just to hear the power that God has to put flesh, muscles, and skin back on me was exactly what I needed to hear. And He doesn't stop there, after he puts me back together he breathes life into me again so that I will know that He IS THE LORD! I've had doubts, but to see the changes he has made in my life over and over again leaves me no option but to believe He is The Lord.

God gives and gives so much to us, so that we can know him, so that we can have eternal life with him. James 1:21 emplores us to "humbly accept the message God has planted in [our] heart, for it is strong enough to save [our] souls." He wants us, he gives us everything for life (true life!) here on earth and for eternity. All he asks of us is to accept. I make things way more difficult than they have to be between me and God. These past few months have been pretty horrible at times, but once again God is giving me life and peace that I know can only be found in him.

Sometimes I realize how fickle I am towards God and it makes me sick. But dang its hard to put my trust in him sometimes. Maybe it'll come easier over time. Maybe it won't get easier but I'll just get stronger. All I know is I'm thankful for the continuing cycle of the seasons. I have hope because the new life of Spring always comes after the dead of winter.

Songs of My Life Part 2

2010-11-09T17:54:00.000-08:00

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace

-Matthew West

I am full of earth
You are heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
But a certain sign of grace is this
From the broken earth flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God”

-David Crowder Band

"Other people at church heard directly from the Spirit, but Claudius had only seen the face of God in the world around him. Maybe hearing God would quiet the restlessness in his soul. He took the words back immediately. For seventy years Claudius couldn't remember a single day he wasn't grateful, and he wasn't going to change that today. So, he said to the good Lord Jesus, he'd take whatever God was willing to give. No less and no more." - Resurrection in May by Lisa Samson

Faith

2010-11-07T15:36:00.000-08:00

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)

"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see" Hebrews 11:1 (Message)

Now faith is not freaking out and getting angry at God when you've followed him step by step for five years and then it seems like he has totally forgotten that you just graduated with a degree in ministry, but having the confidence that some day God will give me a full-time job that I love, and fully believing the guarantee that he has a plan for my life. Hebrews 11:1 (Crystal's life version)

So we are made right with God through faith and not by obeying the law. Romans 3:28

Getting back to the basics, Christianity IS faith, I've been severely lacking in that area. This faith revival is bringing back excitement and hope into my life. As the Message puts it faith is "the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living." God's lifting me up, he's so good.

Songs of my life

2010-10-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

"To label me a prodigal would be only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be" - Rush of Fools

"I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive" - Switchfoot

"There's a girl in the corner With tear stains on her eyes From the places she's wandered And the shame she can't hide She says, "How did I get here? I'm not who I once was. And I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love" But don't you know who you are, What's been done for you? Yeah don't you know who you are? You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade. 'Cause this is not about what you've done, But what's been done for you. This is not about where you've been, But where your brokenness brings you to." -Tenth Avenue North

I want to go to a Real Church

2010-10-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

- A real church longs to know every book of the Bible, to know the One who wrote it, to hear the story the books are telling and to communicate the story of spiritual theology to its people.

-A real church pleads with God's Spirit, the Spirit of holiness, to keep spiritually forming its people until they see Jesus as their supreme treasure no matter how they feel or how others treat them or how their lives are going.

-A real church aims toward spiritual community, where souls connect, where shame weakens, where sin surfaces, where failure meets grace, where irritattions soften, where holy desire grows.

- A real church knows that doing good in this world has little redemptive power unless the do-gooders know Jesus, resemble Jesus, and are relating like Jesus in the energy of Jesus, in their homes and churches first, and then in the culture around them.

Hope

2010-10-10T15:18:00.000-07:00

Somewhere over the past few weeks I read a definition of hope that has been pretty life changing for me. I think it was from Beth Moore's Patriarchs study so I'll give her the credit: "Hope is the present enjoyment of a future promise."
Real Church has played a pretty huge role in rearranging my thoughts about this life and how I expect God to be working in it. I've come to realize that a lot of time the trials we go through are not just about us. We can't see the bigger picture of what God is trying to accomplish in our families, at our jobs, in the lives of our friends, etc. So being able to trust that God knows what he's up to even when we have no idea is pretty huge.
I've come to agree with Larry Crabb when he says "spiritual formation will increase not our experience of God but our thrist for God." I'm thirsty, and there are so many things close at hand that I could use to quench that thirst, #1 easiest for me- food. But the more I thirst for God the more I realize that God is shaping me into something different and new. And this is where the hope comes in. I can sit around and be depressed that I'm 24, unemployed, living in my parent's house, and don't have a church to call my own. OR I can change my thought patterns to enjoy the promise that one day this thirst will be quenched, everything will be perfect and I'll get to party it up in perfect joy and peace in the presence of GOD himself!
Life is hard. God is good.

And we're off

2010-10-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

I went on my first star-light run this morning. It was really peaceful. It reminded me a lot of Sombrerette, Mexico. Man I can't wait to get out of the country again!

I guess I'm training for a marathon? I didn't really plan on it, but I needed a training schedule just so I'd have something to do to get in shape. And, it just turned out that this training schedule ends up getting me ready for a marathon next October. So, here we go, let the adventure begin.

Real Church by Larry Crabb

2010-09-28T14:41:00.000-07:00

I am really enjoying this book. I think its mostly because its by an old, gray haired, grandpa man who "gets it!" Its not just another guy in his 30's going on a rant about how everyone has been doing church wrong and everything has to change. Dr. Crabb has really gotten my attention by posing a bazillion questions in each chapter that really get me thinking about what my true motives are behind going to church, reading the Bible, praying, etc.

Chapter 7 turned out to contain the answer to the prayer I've been praying for weeks. There were a few months earlier this year when I felt totally alone, and like God had totally abandoned me. It made me feel really mad, scared, hurt, and hopeless. All I wanted was to feel God's presence, or just hear one reassuring word, but I got nothing. Now that I have a few months between that time of my life and the present I've been praying and trying to figure out what was actually going on. Was it my fault? Had I done something/was I not doing something? Had God actually forgotten me? I finally found some closure to these questions as Dr. Crabb explained over and over how not "feeling" God right now can help us grow so much more than instant warm fuzzy gratification.

"Real Christians live authentically, with no pretense that in Jesus they're always happy and holy."

"Our faith develops most strongly and God is glorified most fully when we feel only His absence, when every trace of His presence vanishes and our resolve to trust continues."

"Bible-based hope is a rock. God-present experience is more like sand- good to play in but not good to build a life on."

"I suspect a painful thirst to experience God that...permits rest in the security of trusting divine love is more spiritually forming than the experience itself."

"unfelt but trusted hope more reliably sustains a missional lifestyle than the felt experience of satisfaction in Christ."

"A church determined to find a way to experience God now as He will be experienced only in heaven would, I fear, get in the way of knowing God as He longs to be known and can be known in this world."

"Emptiness or loneliness that remains unfilled and is experienced as excruciating soul pain can be transformed by the Holy Spirit into desperately compelling hunger for God that will keep us seeking Him with all our hearts for the rest of our lives."

Last night I actually thanked God for the time of emptiness that I had been so angry about. I can finally see that he was just helping my thirst for him to grow. He was doing the best thing he could to form me spiritually. Now I can rest in confident hope, knowing that this longing I live with will someday be satisfied when I meet El Roi is heaven. And, my happiness, my church attendance or Bible reading does not need to be fueled by a need to feel God today.

joy

2010-09-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

Oversized pajama pants,

56 degrees,

chili on the stove,

25 pages in a new book,

I love sunday mornings in the fall

Mainstay montage

2010-09-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

I keep on chasing the wrong things
and coming up empty
this isn't who im supposed to be
I keep on learning the hard way from every mistake
And I'm finding each time that you fall
you're just becoming who you are

Healer of my heart, come burn away the dark

under soft twilight I can hear your voice tonight

Your name is higher than the heavens

your glory fills a million skies

your heart is reaching down from heaven

and my soul cries out to you

our girl doesn't waste her breath

she stands like a sage

she moves, but she never moves away from you

You lost yourself in finding out

the wonders of the world will let you down

you gave yourself to those who never cared about your soul

they only cared about their own

it seems like everyone has left you...you're not alone

I don't know how I could turn my back and walk away

all I really want is for your love to hold me

Jesus, take this heart and make it whole again

You are the only one for me

that look in your eyes is all I need

this world could offer anything, but they can keep it all

becuase you're the only one for me

all of me longs for you

light of the world

coming soon, break through all this pain

falling down, calling out

your love surrounding me

I'm sick and tired of blending in

and never telling anyone how you set this sinner free

you found me living without hope

and then you drew me to yourself

and your mercy made me clean

the day breaks, the night falls

and don't I look the same?

but love came and changed me

so I hope in you and nothing else

All I know is that I want to go back

to the moment that I fell in love with grace

and I hear you whisper

How He Loves

2010-09-19T19:15:00.000-07:00

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane

I am a tree

bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy...

Its true, God's love and mercy are endlessly pouring over me. But instead of accepting God's awesome restoring gifts and letting them bend me, change me, I fight it. The human side of me easily falls prey to the lies satan feeds. I try to fight the wind, standing firm while "look at your life, you think you deserve anything from God?!" echos through my stressed out mind. Why do I fight it? Why can't I just accept a gift? When the healing I want so badly is right in front of me why can't I just bend and let God have his perfect way?

I heard a pastor on the radio explaining about metamorphosis this morning. He said that if anybody helps a butterfly out of its cocoon he will never be able to fly. The struggle of breaking out from the old life and into the new strengthens his muscles enough that his wings will be able to support its body weight. I kind of feel like I'm at that breaking out of my cocoon point. Although there are a lot of things I wish my friends could just fix for me I have to fight through some tough stuff on my own, so that afterwards I'll be strong enough to fly.

God never ceases to amaze me, he's so crazy patient and forgiving.

2010-09-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

The Feast Begins

2010-09-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

He humbled you, causing you to hunger, then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that people do not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Deuteronomy 8:3

I started a new Bible study tonight. After spending over an hour reading, writing, listening to God, and searching scripture I felt satisfied for the first time in a LONG time! I'm really excited to get to spend the next 10 weeks gorging myself on this buffet of scripture and insight from Beth Moore and other scholars.

A few of my favorite Quotes:

"God is committed even when we're not. God keeps covenant even when we don't. Somehow his plan gets accomplished, and anyone who has been privileged to be part of it is left without a shadow of a doubt that it happened through God alone."

"God's purpose in blessing one is to bless many: 'I will bless you'(Gen 12:2) 'and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you' (v. 3). If God blesses us we don't have to wonder if that blessing has further purpose. We're blessed to bless."

"God calls us to leave our familiar spiritual countryside- our ruts, our comfort zones, and every hint of mediocrity- and "go" to a place He will show us."

"We'll find that Abram was deeply flawed just as we are, but we'll also find that faith and obedience went a long way."

Abram set out on his journey from mesopotamia. His first stop was Haran where they stayed until his father died. He then continued on his journey that is estimated to have been around 1,000 miles, the entire time not knowing where he was going.

I wonder if my life journey right now is kind of like Abe's was: left Springfield, made a stop with the family for a bit, and then my 1,000 miles will continue. 1,000 miles feels like a long time. I've made some dumb choices in the past. For a while I didn't want God's guidance for my every day life I just wanted him to give me the "inside scoop" on what job I should have, and for him to use his "super powers" to give me the hook ups. Luckily God always keeps his side of the covenant even when we get off track. God in all his grace and love has taken my hand again and is leading me day to day on my 1,000 miles. He's so good.

Put In Me - Waterdeep

2010-09-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, Mercy, fall on me like a warm blanket...on my cold, cold heart
Clean me with Your blood that turns me white on the inside
I'm on my knees again 'cause I'm breaking Your heart

Put in me...what I cannot buy with gold
Put in me, oh God...come restore my broken soul
Put in me...what I cannot give myself
Put in me...a clean heart

I know all my broken places like the back of my hand
That slapped your face again
Wash me in your love and hold me tight like a baby
Till I have no memory of ever breaking Your heart

And in the joy when you restore me I will stand and walk again
I will run into this world I will call them to come in
But I will not point my finger or grow that wicked skin
That cannot remember what I will not forget
How I broke you, or how I'm broken

My Life, Summarized in Poem

2010-08-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

... Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't

Because, sometimes, you won't

I'm sorry to say so

but, sadly, its true

that Bang-ups

and Hang-ups

can happen to you.

You can get all hung up

in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You'll be left n a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch

with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,

you're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked...

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...

or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?

Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,

for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused

that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The waiting place...for people just waiting

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or the snow to snow,

or waiting for their hair to grow

Everyone is just waiting.

NO!

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places

where boom bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,

once more you'll ride high!

Ready for anything under the sky...

Starry Night

2010-08-11T18:31:00.001-07:00

More About How Part 2

2010-05-17T16:19:00.000-07:00

In my previous "More About How" blog I talked about how I learned that Christianity is more about the attitude behind what we are doing rather than what we are doing. I thought I understood it then. But God is just now showing me what that was really all about. I've been doing some things that are new to me and I couldn't figure out if I should or not. Today I finally figured out that its not what I'm doing or not doing, but my attitude and motivation that's behind it all. If only this lesson would have clicked a couple weeks ago when God first tried to teach it to me. Well, this is life, we live and learn, it hurts sometimes, but the adventure makes it exciting. I wonder what's around the next corner.

Hurricane

2010-05-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

Just talking

2010-04-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of annoyed at myself for accepting things so blindly as a teen, taking whatever any youth pastor told me as truth and not really testing it out on my own. Now that I'm going back and searching to find out why I believe what I do, and why I need to do what I do my faith is becoming a real part of me, not just some backpack I carry around to add on to who I am.

I was shocked the other day as my eyes were opened to the reality of the state of my soul. I've been severely disconnected from God. I was thinking about how much I want a friend of mine to know Jesus, but then I just thought "WHY?" This "relationship" I have with Jesus isn't making any difference in my life right now, I am just as stressed and worried, if not more than the majority of the seniors on Missouri State campus about my future. This "relationship" is not granting me peace. I am just as insecure as any other girl on campus, this "relationship" is not granting me security. I realized that I was just going through the motions, I have been trained to see a person, label them a sinner in need, and automatically say "they need Jesus!" So, Im stepping back, trying to rip off all the crap that I've just tacked on because I was supposed to, and am seeking the simplicity of talking with Jesus. I know that there is peace and security and love to be found in Jesus and until his life is transforming me I will not be who I should be, nor will I have the right motives in any other relationship.

More About How

2010-03-31T18:21:00.000-07:00

After 23 years in the Church I'm finally learning what it means to be free. Tonight I read Ephesians 4:1 "I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling..." and the first thing that started popping into my head was lists of rules and finding more things I should add to the "must do" or "must not do" list. I was instantly weighed down from the thought.

But then, I continued to read and verses 2 and 3 explains the way we lead a life worthy of God's calling. Its all about attitude: "Be humble and gentle, patient with each other, making allowances for each other's faults because of your love...and bind yourselves together with peace." Could it be that being a Christian is more about how we act than what are actions are?

Continuing on in the chapter, verse 22 tells us to "throw off your old evil nature and your former way of life..." Its saying get rid of the way you were doing things. Verse 23 then says "Instead [of acting in your old evil way], there must be spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes." Get rid of the old way you did things, and let there be renewal of the way you think about things and your attitudes towards life's situations. It's not so much what you're doing, but how you're doing it.

This is incredibly freeing to me. I don't have to worry about if something is a sin or not if I can look at it and say that my nature and my attitude are reflecting God's likeness- righteous, holy and true (verse 24) while I am doing it. Take music for example: I used to own one cd not produced by a "christian" label, it was Dixie Chicks, and I felt pretty rebellious when I listened to it. But recently I've been listening to Bouncing Souls, a band that would definitely not be labeled "christian" and because my nature and attitudes have been changed I listen to these songs and instead of them making me long for earthly pleasures or feel unsatisfied they are actually fueling the fire in me to reach out to more people and share God's love with them. It's all about our nature, and becoming that new person God has set us free to be.

Complicated

2010-03-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

I try to make things so complicated.

"But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don't take yourself too seriously—take God seriously." (Micah 6:8 The Message)

Or as other translations put it: do justly, love mercy, walk humbly. Really thats it. Why do I try to conform to so many rules? Why do I live in fear of failure? "Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you." (Galatians 5:1)

I built this cloud I can break it
The world can’t change how I feel
Because I know it’s a lie
My heart is real (Bouncing Souls - Gone)

Leaving Jesusland- NOFX

2010-03-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what to say...this song is completely honest and mostly true. It is a clear explanation of why I'm choosing to live the way I do. I hate it that the one thing I was created to live for has obtained such a craptastic stereotype over the years. For too long we have been living like "we want life canned and bland in the fatherland." We(the church, the bible-belt, whatever) should be the place where everyone knows they are welcome and genuinely loved, not the place they feel they have to run from. What if we actually started living like Jesus did? Partyin, hanging with the outcasts, not giving a single thought about what anyone else thought. Let's change "'Cause all religion ever made of me was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet... It never set me free." -Jason Gray

Only Hope - Switchfoot

2010-03-24T22:59:00.000-07:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again

I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

Create

2010-03-24T22:28:00.001-07:00

Sometimes its 12:28 am and I wish I could sleep but I've had a good day of artistic inspiration and I just want to create. The problem comes with the fact that I really have no artistic ability, just enough to make me understand everything I'm missing. I have these ideas and pictures in my head but don't know how to make them come alive. Its nights like these I wish I hadn't quite cello after 5 years, I could be freaking awesome by now. I was made in the image of a creator, the need to create is just in me.

Admiring paintings, drawings, tattoos, songs, collages, photos etc. gives me energy. It inspires me to be something better, to live as the best version of myself, to offer the best of what I have to God. It drives me crazy that I can't create what I love very well at all, but sometimes I still do it just for fun, even though it comes out looking like a 5 year old tried to paint something :)

Superchick- Me against the world

2010-03-24T18:25:00.001-07:00

There's just something about doing what I want to do and not caring about what anybody else thinks that feels really good.

"They said don't try to change the world, your just a girl...

So its me against the world today, I'm gonna do it my own way

and though nobody understand, I'm gonna make a one girl stand

It's my independence day, I can't waste time on what they say

if we believe and we have faith we're gonna change the world someday"

Dear God

2010-03-24T18:23:00.001-07:00

Dear God,

It makes me really mad that we have screwed up this whole Christianity thing so much. I'm sorry for the huge number of us who have lived double lives and tried to compartmentalize Christianity and life in the "real world" into two separate gigs. I'm sorry that we have taken The Bible and gotten distracted by fighting over tiny details rather than letting it transform our lives. I'm sorry for all of us who act like jerks and judge the world with a "holier than thou" attitude when we are not better off than anyone else. I'm sorry that we've gotten in your way, you want to bring hurting, searching souls to life, and by our stupidity and impatience we've ruined it for you so many times. God, just because we know you it doesn't mean that we are no longer human and tend to fall short of what's good. We need you to make it better. Come, open up our eyes, reconnect us with the world we live in. Show us how to get out of our "country club churches" and know each and every person the way that you do, no matter what they've done, or what they do, kick the pride out of us and make us reflections of your unconditional love for them to see. We've failed you, restore the church. Teach us how to make it right. We are nothing without you.

Amen.

Just Chill

2010-03-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

I read in a book that sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap. That has kind of been my motto this weekend and its been totally awesome. Sometimes you just get drained and caught up in "life" and you just need to chill so that you can have a mind, body, and spirit that is an offering of worth to God. This weekend I got a tattoo, went to some good Church, ate some good food, and read 500 pages of Harry Potter. I feel great right now. Much more at peace with God than I have in quite a few weeks, and all I did was just chill.

p.s. Go see Elmo at Dark Lotus and get a sweet tattoo! I'm addicted, I knew I would be.

Stellar Kart- Automatic

2010-03-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

...But like I breathe

And my heart beats...

I wanna love you like it's automatic

Make you into my good habit

You're the only one that really matters

Every minute everyday it's automatically ok

When I make it all about you

All This Time

2010-03-17T18:35:00.000-07:00

I just realized it tonight, all this time its been about relationships. God created us for relationship with himself. Because God IS love he created us to have a target for his very being to be poured out upon. God created us for relationship with others. Love does not exist as a feeling, it is something that must be acted out, if we have no relationships with others we have no way to love. We can not love God without loving others, we show our love to him through obedience and he has commanded us to love our neighbors (Matt 22:39). When I thought God was teaching me to stand on my own two feet, to be fine on my own , to protect my heart and reject those who hurt me, he was really reaching out to me through relationships that I will never forget. He was trying to show me what this life is really about. In our day, "in my generation," I feel like there are a lot of people who are very open and will hear whatever opinion you have to throw out there. But its not until you have spent the time to form a relationship with them, and they see your actions of love that they will really listen to what you are saying. All this time I thought I'd be fine, just me and God for the rest of my life, and all this time he's been trying to show me RELATIONSHIPS, healthy, God glorifying relationships. I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for the college girls that intentionally formed a relationship with me as a Jr. High kid, or the camp counselor I had 5 summers in a row, or my friends who took me in on the weekends, or my youth pastor who finally showed me what a relationship with Jesus is all about. Its been the relationships all along that have pulled me through and that God has spoken to me through. My 2 best years of college were the ones spent leading small groups and being part of a ministry team, how could I have ever thought that I could be the best version of myself without relationships?

Swimmers take your mark

2010-03-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

When I swim I come up with a ton of life/swimming analogies. The one that popped in to my head today as I was studying for a test outside the pool at school was this:

Right now I'm living in that intense moment on the starting block. The moment between "swimmers take your mark" and the "BEEP" of the horn. I'm ready for something more, but God just won't say "GO!" yet.

The Discipline of Dismay

2010-03-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

"But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy." -Oswald Chambers

Life

2010-03-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

I need something bigger to live for.

And the Journey Continues

2010-03-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

Maybe its just because I'm a girl, or maybe its due to being human, but I struggle with my thought life. I am actually quite annoyed by the phrase "struggle with," I guess what I'm really trying to say is: several times a day Satan tempts me to think about events (past or future) that cause me to be anxious or angry and more often than not I fail to "take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ"(2 Cor 10:5). I am not OK with this.

Needtobreathe's song "Something Beautiful" says, "In a day dream I couldn't live like this, I wouldn't stop until I've found something beautiful." That is totally true for me right now. In a day dream I would forget the past, I would press on toward the future with complete faith and confidence, and I would keep pressing on until I was drowning in the love and power of God. This NEEDS to become reality.

I am saddened by the lack of fruit in my life. Over the past few months I have sufficiently cut myself off from the flow of the spirit. I look at myself and see raisins where there should be juicy grapes of joy, prunes where there should be sweet plums of faithfulness, and the oranges of peace were all killed in the ice storm months ago. I am missing out on the abundant life Jesus offers.

As I tried to teach a 3 year old to peddle his bike today I saw a picture of myself. I wanted to push him so he could enjoy the ride but he kept pushing backwards of the peddles making the back tire unable to spin. He was pushing against me and therefore missing out on some fun and a chance to learn something new. God wants to lead me along on an adventure, he wants me to learn and experience better things, but when I focus on myself and what I can (or can not) see its like I'm putting on the brakes and fighting against him. I've got to let him push me along on the right path and trust that he will teach me how to peddle successfully.

For years I have prayed for God to let me live an adventurous life. The "American Dream" bores me. That point where you start being "what you're going to be when you grow up" has arrived for me, and I have NO CLUE what I'm going to be. But I do know that tonight God threw out the invitation: "This is where the adventure begins are you in?" Five years ago God called me to be a missionary, sometimes I think he is narrowing down my "mission field" to American teens, sometimes I feel clueless.

God has all the answers. "Beautiful are the words spoken to me, beautiful is the one who is speaking. Come in close, come in close and speak, come in close, come closer to me..."(Closer by Charlie Hall)

Just thinking today...

2010-03-04T05:55:00.000-08:00

Life isn't meant to be figured out. - I'm trying to convince myself of this, and make my actions show it.

There is a reason the Bible teaches us to forget the past and press on.

Forgiveness- has to be dealt with immediately

Every thought has to be taken captive.

Note To Self

2010-03-01T05:44:00.001-08:00

^{Matthew 6:25-34
25}"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Philippians 4:6-9

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Jeremiah 33:3

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Psalm 139:13-17

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Habakkuk 2:3
For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.

My final good-bye

2010-02-23T18:04:00.000-08:00

I once read that to be pure means to have a single focus, and as a Christian that focus has got to be God. Sometimes in life we have to walk through "the valley" alone so God can purify our focus. I've been living in sin for entirely too long and I just realized it tonight. In Proverbs 3:5 we are commanded to trust with ALL of our heart and not lean on our own understanding, I have not been trusting and I have been leaning. It really shook me when I realized that not only is this affecting me but it is "grieving the holy spirit," another thing we are commanded not to do in Ephesians 4:30. I've had to stand by and watch people I love make horrible life choices that were majorly hurting them and it killed me. I'm sure that's only a fraction of what God feels as he watches me day in and day out choosing not to trust in what I can not see. I am hurting God. I'd say I want to trust God, but if I really did wouldn't I just do it? It's easy to quote Paul at times like these and say I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I do want to do and blame it all on the messed-up-ness of humanity, but instead I think it's time I own up to my faults. Following Proverbs 3:5 verse 6 continues with the command to seek his will in all that we do and then he WILL show us which path to take. God always has our best interests at heart and he promises that if I am looking for what he wants he will take care of the rest. Purity in my life (a single focus on God) leads to the very thing I need, while my way of "leaning on my own understanding" only stresses me out and hurts my God who loves me more than anyone. "This is my final good-bye" to this pattern of sinful thought in my life. Why do I ever turn from God when he's always so good to me?

Confession

2010-02-23T05:49:00.000-08:00

Confession: Sometimes I listen to the same song over and over and over and... This morning it was Farewell Lullaby by Unhindered. I had to be careful though, its super easy to sing this stuff, but its pretty dang hard to live it out and I don't want to sing stuff if its a lie.

I find myself worried that they might see

This childish love burning to be released

 Insecurities, lies had taken hold of me

And calloused my heart, oh, Lord

 All these thoughts from shame

Of what would people say if they saw me now

This is my final goodbye

To half hearted dances

My final goodbye

To love that's whispered in fear

My final goodbye

To all Your expectations

Join me in this farewell lullaby

My final goodbye

My sin laid bare, naked for all to see

My heart unbound, knowing I'm finally free

Of what they'll say or do

When they see this foolish heart for You

No shame, I'm not afraid not anymore

No more pride or fear

No apprehensive love found here

I'm saying my vows

The Lord's Prayer

2010-02-19T18:26:00.000-08:00

"So when you pray, pray in your normal voice, just like when you're talking to someone you love very much. Like this...

Hello Daddy!

We want to know you.

And be close to you.

Please show us how.

Make everything in the word right again.

And in our hearts, too.

Do what is best- just like you do in heaven,

And please do it down here, too.

Please give us everything we need today.

Forgive for doing wrong, for hurting you.

Forgive us just as we forgive other people

when they hurt us.

Rescue us! We need you.

We don't want to keep running away

and hiding from you.

Keep us safe from our enemies.

You're strong, God.

You can do whatever you want.

You are in charge.

Now and forever and for always!

We think you're great!

Amen!

You see, Jesus was showing people that God will always love them- with a never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love. So they didn't need to hide anymore, or be afraid, or ashamed. They could stop running away from God. And they could run to him instead. As a child runs into her daddy's arms."

More Like Falling in Love- Jason Gray

2010-02-18T13:39:00.001-08:00

I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Just when I've given in, accepted the fact that some things will "always be this way" God starts teaching me things I would have never imagined. He's been so good.

Give

2010-02-12T20:41:00.000-08:00

"Life is like a gift they say

Wrapped up for you everyday

Open up and find a way

To give some of your own"

-Ordinary Miracle

The best feeling is being worn out after emptying yourself for the benefit of others. I hope it's how I feel at the end of my life.

every thought

2010-02-12T05:56:00.000-08:00

"...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2Cor 10:5

I have learned over the past couple weeks that life would be a lot easier if I'd get in the practice of taking EVERY thought captive rather than letting things slowly roll down hill until I realize things are slightly out of control. It's a lot easier to brush off a few snowflakes than to let them accumulate and then try to stop a rolling avalanche. Everyday I could be making my thoughts obedient to Christ, not letting any old thing run-a-muck in my mind, and that would be so much easier than having to wait for God to get my attention, show me where I've gotten off the path and have to pull a 180 every now and then.

Chasing Charlie Hall

2010-02-08T12:51:00.001-08:00

On The Road to Beautiful

2010-02-06T19:36:00.000-08:00

"Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing..." - Charlie Hall

"Tell God you are ready to be offered as a sacrifice for Him. Then accept the consequences as they come, without any complaints, in spite of what God may send your way. God sends you through a crisis in private, where no other person can help you...Tell God you are ready to be poured out as an offering, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be." - Oswald Chambers

In his latest book John Ortberg described "family" using a nautical metaphor. We are each born and given our own ship. The duty of the family is to build you up and push you out onto your own journey with confidence. The family then becomes your dock, a safe place you can always return to for rest and refueling. During college I've discovered that I never really understood the whole "family" concept, but God is beginning to show me. I see now that wandering around for 4 1/2 years with no place to call my "dock" has been exhausting. It's weird but I'm just now finding rest at another dock that always seems to have an open space for wandering ships. There's this weird peace about it all.

...When I fall down you pick me up, when I am dry to fill my cup, you are my all in all...

God, I know what you have for me in the future is good, but right now this kinda hurts. I'm hesitant to tell you that I'm ready to be offered as a sacrifice. I don't want to sing "I love you" right now because it would only be coming out as "I love you because you give me things." I want to know your heart, I want to be able to sing "I love you" purely because I do love YOU, not what you have to offer. I find comfort in the fact that "my heart is set on a pilgrimage" no matter what seems to be going on now I know that the journey towards something more beautiful is continuing. God I persistently long for you. I know you would be more than enough for me if I would just let you be, please break down my pride and fear. Six years ago I would have been singing "I'm diving in I'm going deep" with excitement, but tonight its more of a dipping my toe in to test the waters. I'm moving with ya God but it feels like this person your shaping me into is really girly and I'm not too sure I like it. No matter what I feel, I strongly want to embrace what you are doing. Lord, have your way in me. Amen

Psalm 29

2010-02-04T06:03:00.000-08:00

1 Ascribe to the LORD, O mighty ones,
ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
2 Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.

3 The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.

4 The voice of the LORD is powerful;
the voice of the LORD is majestic.

5 The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.

6 He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
Sirion like a young wild ox.

7 The voice of the LORD strikes
with flashes of lightning.

8 The voice of the LORD shakes the desert;
the LORD shakes the Desert of Kadesh.

9 The voice of the LORD twists the oaks
and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, "Glory!"

10 The LORD sits enthroned over the flood;
the LORD is enthroned as King forever.

11 The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his people with peace.

Ecc 1:18

2010-01-16T19:40:00.001-08:00

Why is it that I never wanted to run from ministry positions until my 5th year of college? Its been 4 full years of ministry all over the world and I loved it. Maybe it has something to do with Ecclesiastes 1:18 "The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow." That verse rings true when it comes to looking at/listening to anything about Haiti. After living in inner city Jamaica for a summer my eyes were opened to the ways of life on 3rd world islands, and when I see those faces its just like it was a brother or sister from my Jamaican church and I know I have an increased sorrow that others won't because of my unique knowledge.

Let the River Flow

2010-01-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

But I want to be one today, centered and true. I'm singing spirit take me up in arms with you. -Switchfoot

I was throwing a little tantrum tonight during worship and I pretty much said "God, I'm not doing it!" I've been through too many messed up churches and ministry situations to see going into youth ministry as something fun and exciting. It'd be so much easier to go to a 9-5 job, punch data into a glowing screen for 8 hours and then go home. But then Pastor Michael said something that was just the right punch in the stomach that I needed, "Some of you are resisting God, he's been pulling and pulling and you're resisting him, and I don't even know why you're here. That last part it was got me. He was right. If I was going to say NO to GOD then why the heck was I at church putting on some worship show? He was also right about the fact that God's been pulling me. I can specifically name a way that he's pulled every year since I first read Isaiah 6:8 in 7th grade. The sermon ended tonight with Eph 2:17 "And he came and preached peace to you..." And I knew the only way I was ever going to have peace was to give in to the pulling, stop resisting what's best for me, and just let the flow of the spirit lead. Trying to stand still in the middle of a flowing river is hard and pointless, wherever the river leads I will go.

Oh happiness, there's grace enough for us and the whole human race...-DCB

20 years.

2010-01-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

There is an old story of an ambitious young person approaching a master and saying, "I want to be your student, your best student. How long must I study?"

"Ten years."

"But ten years is too long. What if I study twice as hard as all your other students?"

"Then it will take twenty years."

There is a river of life all around. But you can't push it. Try softer. - Ortberg

Try Softer

2010-01-15T19:57:00.000-08:00

1. The harder you work to control things, the more you lose control.

2. Sometimes "try harder" helps. It can help me to clean my room, or run another lap. But for deeper change, I need a greater power than simply "try harder" can provide.

3. Often the people in the gospels who got into the most trouble with Jesus were the ones who thought they were working hardest on the spiritual life.

4. If trying harder is producing growth in your spiritual life, keep it up. But if its not, here is an alternative: Try softer. Try better. Try different.

5. A river of living water is now available, but the river is the Spirit. It is NOT you.

- John Ortberg

"Faith does not need to push the river because faith is able to trust that there is a river. The river is flowing. We are in it." - Richard Rohr

Don't push the river.

Try softer means focusing more on God's goodness than our efforts. When I try softer, I am less defensive, more open to feedback. I learn better. I stay patient if things don't turn out the way I expected. It means less self-congratulation when I do well and less self-flagellation when I fall down. It means asking God for help.

There is a river of life all around. But you can't push it.

Try Softer.

-John Ortberg

There is so much relief to be found in the acceptance and understanding that the spirit moves in our lives as a river. All I've got to do is follow the flow the spirit is pulling me in, and it is constantly pulling. I can try to push the river forward or to one side or the other but that would be a waste of time and energy. I'm going to learn to try softer.

Take My World Apart

2010-01-08T19:53:00.000-08:00

There are a few things that will always have special meaning to me because of their presence when my "religion" was first becoming alive to me. The first is definitely Jars of Clay's first cd "Jars of Clay." Its sooo good. Here's some great lyrics from their song "Worlds Apart"

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hourthe battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
dull the nails that still remains
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

Hope Now

2010-01-08T18:51:00.000-08:00

Story

2010-01-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

"We all want to be loved for who we are, we all want to become who we're not." - John Ortberg

God's not asking us to become anyone else, he just wants us to be the best, most flourishing versions of ourselves possible.

"You know, a story is based on what people think is important, so when we live a story, we are telling the people around us what we think is important." - Donald Miller

There is a lot of rambling in Donald Miller books, but every now and then there is something really good. Its been good to reflect on my life and figure out what my actions are telling others about what is important to me. I will say teen discipleship, taking care of the earth, and spreading God's story are important to me, but do my actions ever show that?

What's Inside My Head

2010-01-02T19:55:00.001-08:00

I love it when God brings together lessons from different areas of life to teach me one thing. These past few days God's used my morning devos, my "just for fun" books, and tonights sermon to teach me about who I am right now and where I'm going. Here's a glimpse of what I've been hearing lately:

"Once God has begun the process of sanctification in your life, watch and see how God causes your confidence in your own natural virtues and power to wither away. He will continue until you learn to draw your life from the reservoir of the ressurection life of Jesus. Thank God if you are going through this drying up experience." - Oswald Chambers
These words were the exact explanation I needed to hear about what I've been feeling lately. When I got my perspective switched around I realized that this emptiness and inability I've been feeling was really a good thing. It's a sign that God's working on me, drying up all of "me" so I can start filling up on the real life from Jesus.

"When we are at our wits' end for an answer, then the Holy Spirit can give us an answer. But how can He give us an answer when we are still well supplied with all sorts of answers of our own?" - Karl Barth
This quote really hit me hard. I've totaly been acting this way, asking for answers and then turning around to go search for my own. If I believe the Spirit really will give me answers then I need to learn to be still and wait after I ask. I'm not showing confidence in God when I say I trust that he is going to answer me but then I have my "just incase he never answers" list ready to go over on the side.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." Ephesians 2:10
God cares enough about me to spend time forming me as his art work. He goes before me and has given me a purpose and the abiblity to accomplish it .

I'm learning that this life is more about becoming the person I was made to be than it is about what I do for an occupation. I'm reading The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller and they, combined with these other "lessons," are helping me understand the importance of just focusing on God and letting him have total authorship of my story. This time I have on Earth is limited, I've got to keep discarding my self and keep filling up with the Spirit so that I will be a utensil God can use to spread his love to a thirsty world. Its not about me getting filled up for my benefit, its about others being loved, served and blessed by an encounter with God that just might happen through me.
We sang a song at church tonight that said "the temple is filled with your Glory" and it really hit me what a huge statement that is. If I'm giving my body to God to his temple then I'd better be living a life worthy of God's glory and I'd better not be doing anything that would hide his glory from others.
Tonight I still feel empty, but for some reason I am content. I know that when God is finished ripping out and drying up the inside he will fill me again, let his glory shine, and send me out to walk in the good works he has prepared for me to do.

These are a few of my LEAST favorite things

2009-12-21T19:53:00.001-08:00

everything I found I am allergic to today

The Body

2009-12-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

As I was hanging out with my group of friends from high school the other night I got a good understanding of how the church works together as the body of Christ. When the whole group of us is together everything is right, things are joyful, we all have our role we play and there's just a peace about it all. But if just two of us get together it can be kind of weird. Like if you just had the foot and the tongue you couldn't get much work done as "the body." Sometimes just two of us being together can be nice though, like maybe an arm and a hand working together, but its still not as good as when the whole group is together. As part of the "body of Christ" I've got to plug into and be involved in the life of the rest of the body. As much as I think I can be a foot and accomplish what I need to on my own I will never reach my full potential until I find the body that's missing one foot and has a place just for me.

Forgotten God -Francis Chan

2009-12-21T19:18:00.000-08:00

"Is it possible to get enough or even too much God? Is there a point where a person can be satisfied with the amount of intimacy, knowledge, and power of God he or she experiences? I don't see how there can be, because doesn't every encounter with God only cause us to thirst for him more?"

"I can't say exactly what will happen when you admit that you can never fully know or experience enough of the Holy Spirit yet choose to seek him regardless. I know only that when you surrender fully to the spirit, Christ will be magnified, not you (John 16:14)."

"Perhaps the core issue is really about our holding back from giving ourselves to God, rather than our getting too much of him."

"Paul wrote to the Corinthians that his words were not "wise and persuasive" but rather a "demonstration of the spirit's power"...In most churches today I hear a lot of talk and the facade of human wisdom, but I don't see much of God's presence and power."

John 12:32

2009-12-20T05:59:00.000-08:00

"What is extremely important is for the worker's simple relationship with Jesus Christ to be strong and growing. His usefulness depends on that, and that alone." -Oswald Chambers

When I first started this journey of discipleship almost 6 years ago I didn't really know what was supposed to happen. I wasn't looking for answers or feelings or any special thing to happen. All I knew was if I wanted to become a "better Christian" I was supposed to pray and read my Bible, so I did. "What is extremely important is for the worker's simple relationship with Jesus Christ to be strong and growing." Because my main focus was only on God's word and talking with Him things were simple, many things seemed black and white because I just wanted to do what the Bible said. Because my focus was only on God and not the results of reading his word my relationship was strong and growing. Over the years as I've learned what can happen when you pray and what you can argue about in the Bible and when you come to prayer or scripture with these alterior motives the simplicity is lost, the relationship isn't strong because there is no relationship. I've tried to turn Christ into my "jeanie in a bottle," I want answers, I want things fixed, I want I want I want... But if my usefulness depends on [my simple relationship], and that alone I've got to return to the days of just coming to Christ to spend time with him and listen to what he says. I miss Him. I can blame my college, my church, my leaders for getting me to this place but really I am the only one who has control over my relationship with Christ. I'm going back to the simplicity of seeking Christ so he will draw me close again. "And I, if I am lifted up...will draw all people to myself." John 12:32

A montage of my recent state of mind

2009-12-17T06:15:00.001-08:00

melted brain

Shriveled up brain.

brain fried

The way I see It

2009-12-13T18:40:00.000-08:00

After 23 years of reading, acting out, singing about, and watching in Peanuts form "The Christmas Story" it can become just another ornament that gets hung up durring this holiday season. This year this season comes upon me at a time when I am in pursuit of knowing Christ more intimately, so in hopes of avoiding missing "the true meaning of Christmas" I started praying for God to show me something new in the story of Jesus' birth this year...

In evangelism, church planting, and missions classes we've talked a lot about contextualizing; getting to know the people, what they're in to, how they communicate with eachother, what it is that really gets their attention, and then bringing Christianity to them in a way that will really "click." This weekend I figured out that God truely sets the example of that whole concept for us as he worked it out perfectly at his son's birth...

So this is the new thing God showed me this year: God was coming to the Earth in human flesh and he needed to get the word out. So He went to the common everyday blue collar workers out in the feild and put on a show. After spending their entire lives growing up with shepards and learning the ways of watching out for sheep their intellectual level probably wasn't extremely deep. Knowing this God sent down lights and angels and loud voices and put on a show to get their attention, tell them what's up and how they can find his son. That night they saw Jesus face to face and were forever changed.

He also wanted to get the attention of the well-to-do wisemen in the surrounding lands. Knowing that they trusted things that they could spend time investigating and having something to explore and work through would make it really meaningful for them all he sent them was a new star in the sky. Seeing as how they spent their lives studying the skies God knew they would discover this new star and start searching for answers. In the end their journey of collecting stories from the common people, following and new star, and speaking with a king also lead them to an encounter with Jesus.

If all God had done was put a star in the sky a bunch of shepards would have totally missed it because they were too busy beating of animals who were trying to eat their sheep. And if all he sent was a show of angels the wisemen would have missed out on a journey that drew them into a relationship with Christ. Just like Paul said he wanted to "become all things to all men" (1 Cor 9:22-23) I hope to learn how to share Jesus in an effective way that my "people group" gets it, is excited about it, and is drawn deeper into it.

Puritan Prayer

2009-12-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

Give me a deeper trust, that I may lose myself to find myself in Thee, the ground of my rest, the spring of my being. Give me a deeper knowledge of Thyself as saviour, master, lord, and king. Give me deeper power in private prayer, more sweetness in Thy Word, more steadfast grip on its truth. Give me deeper holiness in speech, thought, action, and let me not seek moral virtue apart from Thee.

It was Worth It

2009-12-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

All the hours I spent this summer playing kiddie games, figuring out bible lessons, coming up with crafts, getting muddy on water days, and washing dishes seemed worth it today when one of the families that came to Summer of Lunch joined the church. After getting to know the family over the summer it was clear that being part of a church was probably not on their radar at all. But it has awesome to watch God move over the past 5 months. By offering the family's three girls free lunch and games over the summer we became friends with the family and more and more doors started opening from there. It makes me really happy to know these girls are going to have a great church family to grow up in as they begin their walk with Christ. I didn't love everything about Summer of Lunch, but it was definitely all worth it, and I'd do it again if I knew more families would find their place to get connected into God's Kingdom!

Quote of the Day

2009-11-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

"Anyone can acheive their fullest potential... we should never allow our fears or expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny..." -NCIS

Take My Life- Third Day

2009-10-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

How many times have I turned away

The number is the same as the sand on the shore

But every time You've taken me back

And now I pray You do it once more.

Please take from me my life

When I don't have the strength

to give it away to You Jesus

How many times have I turned away

The number is the same as the stars in the sky

But every time You've taken me back

And now I pray You do it tonight.

Please take from me my life

When I don't have the strength

to give it away to You Jesus

Thirsty?

2009-10-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

I went to hear Scott Larson speak tonight. He spoke about recognizing the thirsts we have and the broken cisterns we drink from that never satisfy. It was really good! I'm thirsty for something I had once a few years ago. The first year after I got baptized was crazy good. In keeping with the drink metaphor I'd have to compare that intimacy I had with Christ to a fresh Jamaican mango smoothie; bright and bold, super sweet, freezing on a hot day...perfect. It'd be nice to have that again, but I think I'm starting to understand that God doesn't want to take me back, he wants to take me on to new depths and show me places that I haven't explored yet with him. I'm thirsty, really thirsty, I have been for a long time, it just seems like no matter how many hours I spend alone with JC or how many different devotionals I do I just can't get enough...Jesus speak to me...

Understanding God's Will by Kyle Lake

2009-10-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

Quotes I've been pondering lately:

"First, if being an apprentice of Jesus is the central defining aspect of our lives, then God's will and the process of learning God's will MUST BE just one aspect of our apprenticship, rather than the end goal of life..."

"On the other hand, if finding God's will was the end goal of life, then all of life is a performance- an equation to be hacked, a correct porportionate recipe to be mixed, a formula to be dicifered . If God's will is the end goal of life wouldn't Jesus have said "Come, follow My will," or, "Seek first My will?" But that's not what He said. I would think, then, that discerning God's will is consumed in the simple, yet all-encompassing phrase "Follow Me." And if that's the case, then the central question in life is not, "Have you discerned God's will for your life- vocation, college, spouce, location?" but, "Are you becoming a learner of Christ as you navigate life, career, family, dating/marriage, relationship?""

And one other thing from Oswald Chambers:

"We are not on display in God’s showcase— we are here to exhibit only one thing— the "captivity [of our lives] to the obedience of Christ" ( 2 Corinthians 10:5 )."

Let God Arise

Advent here we come

Simple Truth

These are a few of my favorite things

Build Us Back

Today's Prayer

Wonder why

Today's Prayer

I'd Rather Have Jesus

Quote of the Day

Forgotten God by Francis Chan

Catholic

Obsessed?

1 Timothy 6:6-12

Moses

Motivation

My new mantra

He's Answering

The Positive Legacies My Parents Passed Down

Today's Prayers

R...R...R...

Wake Up

My Utmost 1/26

Straight Ahead

Service

Prayer

Good Morning!

Phil 4:12-13

These Are Great Days

Oswald Chambers

Great Day

New Hobby

Shhh

A word from Daniel

**snow**

Psalm 119:133

Switchfoot- Let That be Enough

Seasons Change

Songs of My Life Part 2

Faith

Songs of my life

I want to go to a Real Church

Hope

And we're off

Real Church by Larry Crabb

joy

Mainstay montage

How He Loves

The Feast Begins

Put In Me - Waterdeep

My Life, Summarized in Poem

Starry Night

More About How Part 2

Hurricane

Just talking

More About How

Complicated

Leaving Jesusland- NOFX

Only Hope - Switchfoot

Create

Superchick- Me against the world

Dear God

Just Chill

Stellar Kart- Automatic

All This Time

Swimmers take your mark

The Discipline of Dismay

Life

And the Journey Continues

Just thinking today...

Note To Self

My final good-bye

Confession

The Lord's Prayer

More Like Falling in Love- Jason Gray

Give

every thought

Chasing Charlie Hall

On The Road to Beautiful

Psalm 29

snow