it

After these last couple of years I thought I was pretty close to "fixed."  But last night at church and this morning through my book God has reminded me that there is still healing to be done in my life.  I think its cool that God is willing to push me, He's not just letting me stay where I am and be "good enough," he's helping me become perfect.

God, Please stretch me, you are the only one who knows the limits of my abilities, break me out of this shell, teach me to always go one more step.  Please ruin me, break my heart for what breaks yours, put me in circumstances that will forever change how I relate to the world, break down every wall I've built, take my breath away. Please heal me, take my adrenaline addiction, my obsession with food, and my screwed up need to be torn down and make me whole, give me rest!  I need you Lord. PLEASE give IT to me. Amen

 

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.  -a Franciscan benediction 

burnt out

Its a slow process, but I'm learning.  I get burnt out and disappointed when I take the dreams God has given me and try to make things happen.  I believe God uses the dreams/desires of our hearts to guide us, but I can't just take that desire and say "ok, what will I do with this now?"  I must leave it in God's hands and let him guide me every step of the way to the fulfillment of what he has placed in me.  He knows what He's doing and he reveals what He is up to so I can make to choice to join him.  I need to learn to be more patient and less controlling, God's got everything taken care of.

it

Its so easy for me to fall in love with the Church rather than God.  There is one invisible God, and the Church is here, all over the place, right up in your face.  I get distracted so easily, what's my deal?  I think I'm taking November off from reading books about church.  I'll stick to the Bible alone for 31 days.  

Worship is...

"Worship is separating the world from God in different ways, just to be in awe of Him."-J.P. 

1) Worship is living by continuously making the choice to focus on God rather than the world

2)Worship is not just singing, preaching, painting, or dancing it happens in tons of different ways as we turn every simple act of life into an act of worship

3)True worship has no hidden motives, it is simply done so that we may be in awe of God, a gift that we can return to him for all he has done for us.  Its a sign of respect and adoration, all we can do is be in awe of the majestic God because He is so overwhelmingly great.

I think its cool how things come so naturally to those who really do have the childlike faith the Bible talks about.  I asked a friend to define worship for me and he just told me what he feels. Thats cool.  God is giving us all revelations of himself, and the faith we live out and we've got to be willing to open up and share.  It saddens me to think how Bible college changes things for so many people.  Rather than Christianity being your passion and joy, it becomes your work and a religion to study.  Students minds are filled with the thoughts of "theological greats" and you are turned into a copy cat rather than a passionate follower of Jesus who isn't afraid  to express what God is personally showing you about a matter.

Dee Dah Day

Had two great reminders to celebrate the little things in life today:

1) Jake Aviles smiling, laughing, and jumping up and down because he was getting a second package of Pow (Cars fruit snacks)

2) The old ladies on the bikes next to me at the YMCA just chatting away and just like its a normal part of the conversation..." Oh yes, that was Betty, now is she still alive?"

it

If you could only do one thing in ministry for the rest of your life what would it be?

What is the one thing you could be the best at?

Five months ago I would have been able to answer those questions without hesitation, right now its a little foggy...

Early Thanksgiving

Come, let is sing to the Lord! Let us give a joyous shout to the rock of our salvation! Let us come before Him with thanksgiving... Psalm 95:1-2
I am so thankful that God has given me this time to just chill right now! I needed it so badly. I was extremely exhausted from 15 months of working with ministries that didn't fully have it. Through my own experience, and from watching the dramatic change in a friend's life after he exited an exhausting ministry, I have learned the huge importance of REALLY knowing what you are getting into when you join a ministry team. It just blows my mind how taxing "spiritual work" is on the body.

Be still; and know that I am GOD... Psalm 46:10
I think I'm growing and maturing more in this time away from everything than I would be if I was still at college with a small group, accountability partner, tuesday, wednesday and friday night worship, service projects and solid church on sundays. With all the extra noise out of the way I can finally just sit at the feet of God and listen for the still, small voice. Talking to God has always been way more powerful for me that just listening to someone talk about God.

What I Really Want to Say -S. C. Chapman

I say I love you I say I need you

I try so many ways to say how my heart beats for you

I say I'm always thinking about you

There's no way I'd want to face this life without you

And even though these words come from deep inside me

There's so much more I don't have the words to say

'cause what I really want to say

Is what the sun would say to the sky

For giving it a place to come alive

But my words get in the way

Of what I really want to say

Oh what I really want to say

I will spend my whole life looking for a way somehow

To let you know just how precious you are to me

I'll use the best words I know but I still won't say it all

It's like a tale too great to be told

It's something that my heart can only show

I'm gonna take my whole life

Just to let you know

What I really want to say

What if?

" According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway.

Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible."

-Bee Movie

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

What if we just didn't care what humans thought was impossible? How much higher would we fly?

My Dream Job

As of October 15th, 2008 I'm thinking my dream job would be filling a position that would be part time missions coordinator and part time youth leader at a church that gets It.  I'd love to partner with someone in leading youth, doing girls ministry stuff, leading small groups, meeting one-on-one with students,  maybe teaching every now and then, and going on all the trips and retreats and stuff.  But I'm not too sure if  I really want to be in charge of it all.  In this dream job of mine I would also get to go on short term mission trips and watch the joy in people as they experience God's awesomeness through different cultures. And maybe even God could hook us up with some cool opportunities to serve as missionaries in our own community.  It'd be a pretty sweet job....but then I remember God's got greater plans for me than I could ever dream up...I'm excited to see what my future holds.

Experiencing God

I was just spending some time thinking the other day trying to figure out how I got to where I am today, and I couldn't really do it. Then, last week I started doing my favorite Bible study for the second time and had a big "OH, YEAH!" moment. I'm pretty sure Experiencing God should be a required study for every young Christian. It teaches you to have a relationship with God, to listen to Him, believe Him, and obey Him. And that is what the life of a Christian should look like on a daily basis. Its pretty much the reason why so many people think I'm crazy today. But its also one of the biggest reasons I'm madly in love with my creator.

"The world has yet to see what God can do with and for and through and in a man who is fully and wholly consecrated to Him." -Henry Varley

Pop Goes the Church

I finished Pop Goes the Church a couple weeks ago, but I'm still thinking about it almost everyday. One of the last things it talked about was how people can always tell if you're faking it, or just using pop culture be "cool." I would be a total fake if I tried to use pop culture for any lesson right now. Ok, I lied, I would not be faking if I used a clip of Dora sharing her Cowboy cookies with Swiper to talk about loving your neighbor as yourself. But seriously, that is the extent of my cultural awareness, preschool cartoons. And I'm pretty sure high schoolers don't want to hear about Dora, Wubzy, or Backyardigans. I don't know what's really in store for my future, but I sure hope it involves me becoming normal. I've got to get out of this exclusive Christian culture I've been trapped in for so long!

Boys will be Boys

So I'm living with a family of boys right now, these boys are 7 months, 20 months, 9, 11, and 36. I don't know how their mom has remained sane for so many years. I was the only girl at dinner last night and it was really funny. I actually started timing how long they had gone just making noises without saying a word of english but got distracted by one of them eating corn off the table. God's in depth attention to detail in his creation never ceases to amaze me. He could have made boys and girls exactly the same, but how boring.

P.S. JoEllen Aviles is a STUD.

reFocus

There is a great God who is calling you to be part of something bigger than yourself.

next to come

God is opening my eyes to things I can not see clearly yet.  He's pushing me into waters I haven't tested yet.  I'm scared, I feel useless, I have no clue what lies ahead.  But its ok.  God knows the plans He has for me, and he will finish the good work He has started in me.  Like Starfield sings "I am alive in this moment..." and I will start living each moment to the fullest.

I've been thinking about James 4:13-16 quite a bit lately:

Look here, you people who say, "Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year.  We will do business there and make a profit."  How do you know what will happen tomorrow?  For your life is like the morning fog- its here a little while, then its gone.  What you ought to say is, "If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that."  Otherwise you will be boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.

I have a problem with proclaiming my own plans as the way things are goin down...I need to start applying these verses to my life.

"As you grow you'll find that I get bigger and bigger and bigger..." -Aslan The Chronicles of Narnia

Pop Goes the Church

"Every church is relevant to pop culture; some are just relevant to a pop culture of yesterday.  To say you are not concerned with pop culture is to say you are actually stuck in a previous era, and only acting as if that era was 'more holy' than the one we are in now."

"You have to decide your goal: Focus on reaching new people or focus on keeping disgruntled people.  You can't do both."

"If we use pop culture just to be cool, then it'll come across as a gimmick because it is.  If we are motivated by our desire to incarnate truth so people can understand God, then it'll come across as authentic."