My final good-bye

I once read that to be pure means to have a single focus, and as a Christian that focus has got to be God. Sometimes in life we have to walk through "the valley" alone so God can purify our focus. I've been living in sin for entirely too long and I just realized it tonight. In Proverbs 3:5 we are commanded to trust with ALL of our heart and not lean on our own understanding, I have not been trusting and I have been leaning. It really shook me when I realized that not only is this affecting me but it is "grieving the holy spirit," another thing we are commanded not to do in Ephesians 4:30. I've had to stand by and watch people I love make horrible life choices that were majorly hurting them and it killed me. I'm sure that's only a fraction of what God feels as he watches me day in and day out choosing not to trust in what I can not see. I am hurting God. I'd say I want to trust God, but if I really did wouldn't I just do it? It's easy to quote Paul at times like these and say I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I do want to do and blame it all on the messed-up-ness of humanity, but instead I think it's time I own up to my faults. Following Proverbs 3:5 verse 6 continues with the command to seek his will in all that we do and then he WILL show us which path to take. God always has our best interests at heart and he promises that if I am looking for what he wants he will take care of the rest. Purity in my life (a single focus on God) leads to the very thing I need, while my way of "leaning on my own understanding" only stresses me out and hurts my God who loves me more than anyone. "This is my final good-bye" to this pattern of sinful thought in my life. Why do I ever turn from God when he's always so good to me?

Confession

Confession: Sometimes I listen to the same song over and over and over and... This morning it was Farewell Lullaby by Unhindered. I had to be careful though, its super easy to sing this stuff, but its pretty dang hard to live it out and I don't want to sing stuff if its a lie.

I find myself worried that they might see 

This childish love burning to be released

 Insecurities, lies had taken hold of me 

And calloused my heart, oh, Lord

 All these thoughts from shame 

Of what would people say if they saw me now  

This is my final goodbye 

To half hearted dances 

My final goodbye 

To love that's whispered in fear 

My final goodbye 

To all Your expectations 

Join me in this farewell lullaby 

My final goodbye  

My sin laid bare, naked for all to see 

My heart unbound, knowing I'm finally free 

Of what they'll say or do 

When they see this foolish heart for You 

No shame, I'm not afraid not anymore 

No more pride or fear

No apprehensive love found here 

I'm saying my vows 

The Lord's Prayer

"So when you pray, pray in your normal voice, just like when you're talking to someone you love very much. Like this...

Hello Daddy!

We want to know you.

And be close to you.

Please show us how.

Make everything in the word right again.

And in our hearts, too.

Do what is best- just like you do in heaven,

And please do it down here, too.

Please give us everything we need today.

Forgive for doing wrong, for hurting you.

Forgive us just as we forgive other people

when they hurt us.

Rescue us! We need you.

We don't want to keep running away

and hiding from you.

Keep us safe from our enemies.

You're strong, God.

You can do whatever you want.

You are in charge.

Now and forever and for always!

We think you're great!

Amen!

You see, Jesus was showing people that God will always love them- with a never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love. So they didn't need to hide anymore, or be afraid, or ashamed. They could stop running away from God. And they could run to him instead. As a child runs into her daddy's arms."

More Like Falling in Love- Jason Gray

I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Just when I've given in, accepted the fact that some things will "always be this way" God starts teaching me things I would have never imagined. He's been so good.

Give

"Life is like a gift they say

Wrapped up for you everyday

Open up and find a way

To give some of your own"

-Ordinary Miracle

The best feeling is being worn out after emptying yourself for the benefit of others. I hope it's how I feel at the end of my life.

every thought

"...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2Cor 10:5

I have learned over the past couple weeks that life would be a lot easier if I'd get in the practice of taking EVERY thought captive rather than letting things slowly roll down hill until I realize things are slightly out of control. It's a lot easier to brush off a few snowflakes than to let them accumulate and then try to stop a rolling avalanche. Everyday I could be making my thoughts obedient to Christ, not letting any old thing run-a-muck in my mind, and that would be so much easier than having to wait for God to get my attention, show me where I've gotten off the path and have to pull a 180 every now and then.

Chasing Charlie Hall

On The Road to Beautiful

"Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing..." - Charlie Hall

"Tell God you are ready to be offered as a sacrifice for Him. Then accept the consequences as they come, without any complaints, in spite of what God may send your way. God sends you through a crisis in private, where no other person can help you...Tell God you are ready to be poured out as an offering, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be." - Oswald Chambers

In his latest book John Ortberg described "family" using a nautical metaphor. We are each born and given our own ship. The duty of the family is to build you up and push you out onto your own journey with confidence. The family then becomes your dock, a safe place you can always return to for rest and refueling. During college I've discovered that I never really understood the whole "family" concept, but God is beginning to show me. I see now that wandering around for 4 1/2 years with no place to call my "dock" has been exhausting. It's weird but I'm just now finding rest at another dock that always seems to have an open space for wandering ships. There's this weird peace about it all.

...When I fall down you pick me up, when I am dry to fill my cup, you are my all in all...

God, I know what you have for me in the future is good, but right now this kinda hurts. I'm hesitant to tell you that I'm ready to be offered as a sacrifice. I don't want to sing "I love you" right now because it would only be coming out as "I love you because you give me things." I want to know your heart, I want to be able to sing "I love you" purely because I do love YOU, not what you have to offer. I find comfort in the fact that "my heart is set on a pilgrimage" no matter what seems to be going on now I know that the journey towards something more beautiful is continuing. God I persistently long for you. I know you would be more than enough for me if I would just let you be, please break down my pride and fear. Six years ago I would have been singing "I'm diving in I'm going deep" with excitement, but tonight its more of a dipping my toe in to test the waters. I'm moving with ya God but it feels like this person your shaping me into is really girly and I'm not too sure I like it. No matter what I feel, I strongly want to embrace what you are doing. Lord, have your way in me. Amen

Psalm 29

1 Ascribe to the LORD, O mighty ones,
ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
2 Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.

3 The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.

4 The voice of the LORD is powerful;
the voice of the LORD is majestic.

5 The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.

6 He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
Sirion like a young wild ox.

7 The voice of the LORD strikes
with flashes of lightning.

8 The voice of the LORD shakes the desert;
the LORD shakes the Desert of Kadesh.

9 The voice of the LORD twists the oaks
and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, "Glory!"

10 The LORD sits enthroned over the flood;
the LORD is enthroned as King forever.

11 The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his people with peace.