Take My Life- Third Day

How many times have I turned away

The number is the same as the sand on the shore

But every time You've taken me back

And now I pray You do it once more.

Please take from me my life

When I don't have the strength

to give it away to You Jesus

How many times have I turned away

The number is the same as the stars in the sky

But every time You've taken me back

And now I pray You do it tonight.

Please take from me my life

When I don't have the strength

to give it away to You Jesus

Thirsty?

I went to hear Scott Larson speak tonight. He spoke about recognizing the thirsts we have and the broken cisterns we drink from that never satisfy. It was really good! I'm thirsty for something I had once a few years ago. The first year after I got baptized was crazy good. In keeping with the drink metaphor I'd have to compare that intimacy I had with Christ to a fresh Jamaican mango smoothie; bright and bold, super sweet, freezing on a hot day...perfect. It'd be nice to have that again, but I think I'm starting to understand that God doesn't want to take me back, he wants to take me on to new depths and show me places that I haven't explored yet with him. I'm thirsty, really thirsty, I have been for a long time, it just seems like no matter how many hours I spend alone with JC or how many different devotionals I do I just can't get enough...Jesus speak to me...

Understanding God's Will by Kyle Lake

Quotes I've been pondering lately:

"First, if being an apprentice of Jesus is the central defining aspect of our lives, then God's will and the process of learning God's will MUST BE just one aspect of our apprenticship, rather than the end goal of life..."

"On the other hand, if finding God's will was the end goal of life, then all of life is a performance- an equation to be hacked, a correct porportionate recipe to be mixed, a formula to be dicifered . If God's will is the end goal of life wouldn't Jesus have said "Come, follow My will," or, "Seek first My will?" But that's not what He said. I would think, then, that discerning God's will is consumed in the simple, yet all-encompassing phrase "Follow Me." And if that's the case, then the central question in life is not, "Have you discerned God's will for your life- vocation, college, spouce, location?" but, "Are you becoming a learner of Christ as you navigate life, career, family, dating/marriage, relationship?""

And one other thing from Oswald Chambers:

"We are not on display in God’s showcase— we are here to exhibit only one thing— the "captivity [of our lives] to the obedience of Christ" ( 2 Corinthians 10:5 )."

Big Momma's

You are currently reading the blog of the newest Big Momma's barista!!! I start work on Saturday during the Pets and Pumpkins Festival! Its so awesome how God is opening up doors for The Table to get involved with life on C-street. Please pray for me to have lots of opportunities (and to not miss any of them) to share about Christianity with my new co-workers! I'm so excited!!!

A Couple Weekends Ago...

A couple weekends ago I had this encounter with God. I don't really remember what the sermon was about that Saturday night, I just remember that I knew I had been in the presence of someone Holy. I went on a drive afterwards to just process and have some time to chat with God. That evening was one of the moments that it seemed my calling to youth ministry was unquestionable. But at the same time it was just as clear to me that I didn't have what it was going to take. With as much attitude as I could muster I shouted to God "What in the WORLD are you thinking?" and instantly as if God were sitting in the car right next to me "Watch it, Job!" echoed in my heart. I felt the size of a pea as the dialogue of Job 38-40 began running through my head:

"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge. Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!" (Job 38:2-5) "Do you have an arm like God's, and can your voice thunder like his?" (Job 40:9) "What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings?" (Job 38:19-20)

Who am I to question the way God chooses to use me? Who am I too tell him what his creation is good enough to be used for? Like Job I simply replied "I am unworthy—how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once... but I will say no more." (Job 40:4-5) I made my way back to the house and made wandered inside. Feeling the weight of my guilt I picked up the cutest 2 1/2 year old in hopes of finding some comfort, he looked at me for a second then leaned over and gave me a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek. I almost cried as once again I felt God say "that's from me, I'll always love you."

I was reminded of this episode today during chapel as our speaker talked about how his childhood experiences of Christianity created nothing but fear in him. God is not just this far off being ready to burn us in hell at any moment we make a stupid comment. He really is loving, and one who offers hope. It made me wonder about how many times I've wrongly interpreted a situation due to characteristics that I/or those I know have imposed on God. We aren't meant to live in fear, but to live life to the fullest in the safety of our Holy Savior.

answer, maybe

"Our Lord calls us to no special work— He calls us to Himself." - Oswald Chambers

Maybe thats the answer. Maybe I'm not awesome at any particular thing because all I'm called to do is have an awesome relationship.

?

Is everyone really good at something or are some of us just made to be mediocrely good at a few things?

the procrastination blog

Well, you see, I'm just writing this blog because I'm in denial that I have to go to school tomorrow. I had such a great weekend and I just don't want it to end! Friday night I got to give a gift to two of the coolest people I know, and hang out with some pretty awesome high schoolers and my lil bros. Saturday I got to play with a decently cute puppy (j/k he was adorable!) and go to really good church! (which afterward I got a little attitudish with God and got a pretty good kick in the pants in return, u really should think about the things your going to say to GOD before you say 'em!) Then today I had a really great 3 hour drive to Springfield which I used to figure out what I was going to say for reflection time at the Table today. (p.s. check out tableoncstreet.com) I was really nervous, but I remembered a verse that I read the night before and it made me want to speak boldly! 1 Peter 4:11 "If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God." I don't know why, I've spoken in front of people a bunch of times at churchy things and I still get really nervous every time! The Table was fabulous today, a bunch of new people came (we had like 30 people and we aren't even doing outreach that intensely, just think what can happen when we get really serious about it!) But way more important than numbers is the growth and depth that happens on tuesday nights at the Ongoing Conversation (or OC as we call it) when we discuss scripture and some good questions. Life is always crazy good when I see God working in so many places! I'm so thankful for all the people he as put in my life, and continues to bring in! Life is always an adventure!

The End Result

My experiment went quite well I must say (see "This week's Experiment" 9/27/09). Along the way it was quite tempting to pick my baggage back up but I kept denying myself the right. Then came the end of the week and for a brief moment I thought "oh I can think about my future again" but it wasn't even appealing anymore. I left the burden on the side of the road and felt no need to go pick it up again. I know I just need to wait and listen now, I can't say I trust God with my future and then still cling to it tight fisted, I've finally let go. (Maybe next time God wants something from me it won't take me 7 days!)

one step farther

"Gandhis, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr, Thomas Merton, these people were not perfect but: in their penetration through the obsession with service, security, and significance, they threaten our measured standards of righteousness and goodness and prudence...Universalisers are often experienced as subversives of the structures by which we maintain our individual and corporate survival, security, and significance. Many persons at this stage die at the hands of those whom they hope to change. There are few who make it here."

from my heart

Apparently one of the developmental stages of being a teenager is learning how to express your feelings with words. Teens tend to have a hard time with this so using things like music, art and clothing are used to express what could be said with words. I think this development was something I missed out on as a teenager, whenever I feel like I have a ton of things to say all bottled up inside me I turn to songs 'cause otherwise nothing would come out at all...

Teach me to do Your will Lord for you are my God Your Spirit is good lead me on level ground Lord for You are my GodYour Spirit is good it is good revive me, revive me not for me but for Your name in Your mercy deliver me from my enemies revive me
Lord I want to yearn for You I want to burn with passion over You and only You Lord I want to yearn
Unto You be honor unto You be praises Jesus forever and ever all i wanna do is exalt You all i wanna do is to lift You high all i wanna do is to please You
Praise the name of Jesus praise the name of Jesus He's my rock, He's my fortress He's my deliverer in Him will I trust
O, to grace, how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be. Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it seal it for Thy courts above
Glory to God glory to God glory to God forever!