Reading

I still laugh at myself when I think about the total 180 flip I've taken in my reading habits since high school.  I used to never read and now I'm reading a book a week (which isn't that much, but its major progress for me!  You don't pick up fast reading skills if you never read until you were 18!)  

I just finished my 4th book of the summer, Reimagining Spiritual Formation.  It was really good! It made me think a lot about how my faith should encompass every tiny bit of my life.  And I really liked how it explained service.  A lot of times the church takes a condescending approach, coming at a neighborhood like "you have needs, you do not know Jesus, and we are perfect so we will create a program to fix the lives of those beneath us."  But, instead of evaluating and creating we can look at our lives, the gifts and resources God has given us, and just start putting those into action.  Its a much more honest, open and relational approach.  

A quote from my next book in progress "Do not read to satisfy curiosity or to pass the time, but study such things as move your heart to devotion." - Thomas a Kempis

Dead Poets Society

 "Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!" 

"Now we all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go, "that's baaaaad." Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." 

"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

"This is a battle, a war, and the casualties could be your hearts and souls." 

"Do not let anyone tell you what you want. Decide for yourself and pursue your passions." 

"I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way."

Quotes: Reimagining Spiritual Formation

 "For it seems that the church has trained Christians to expect someone to give them faith in small, prechewed bites they can swallow without significant effort."

"God the creator of all things, has been re-creating all things through the redeeming work of Jesus the Messiah.  In this view we are not left with a memory of a God who made this world  and now simply waits for it to expire.  God is constantly creating anew.  And God also invites us to be re-created and to join the work of God as co-(re)creators.  We are not bystanders, nor are we to be inactive."

"Service isn't how we act out our spirituality; it's how our spirituality gets shaped...Service is an obvious way for us to orient our lives around both a belief in Jesus and our efforts to live in the Kingdom of God and never separate the two..."

"...people bent on practicing a Christian faith that is useful in the world." 

I'm ready for something new!!! I'm excited for what God's doin' in Springfield!

this is the day...

 I had quite a lovely day.  

I didn't do anything special (except melt the binding on one of my favorite books!)

And, I started reading my next book of the summer: Reimagining Spiritual Formation.  It is pretty much describing everything I long for in "church."  I don't even like calling it church cause its so different from what we've come to associate with the label.

God is good.

Madea Goes to Jail

Madea Goes to Jail has probably just made it to my top 5 movies.  It was great.  All of Tyler Perry's Madea movies are pretty schitzo going from one crazy funny scene to a super dramatic, and usually depressing scene, and this one fit right in.  This time the dramatic story line was about a girl who felt she had no other choice but prostitution for her life.  The thing that got me was this lady, Ellen, who does jail ministry and  gets out on the streets doin for real ministry to the pimps, prostitutes and drug addicts.  When I realized what she was doing was giving out condoms and clean needles I was a bit shocked at first.  Then I realized that she really does "get it," she met the needs of these girls, formed relationships, challenged them without ever judging them, and when she had the right opportunity she fed them the truth of the Bible.  God's word changed their lives because she was not afraid of being judged or ridiculed for hanging around the "wrong crowd."  I hope to find myself in similar situations in the future. 

Luke 9:23-25

 "Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

 This past weekend I was hanging out with some girls who have been my friends for about 8 years now.  They all five have a college degree, two of them are married, three have great paying jobs, and two have really nice brand new SUVs.  I'll just be honest and admit that I was kind of jealous for a few minutes.  As I processed these things I was reminded of Luke 9:23-25.  "What good is it for man to gain the whole world and yet forfeit his very self?"  I'm feeling like I'm literally at the point where the next step I take is going to determine my future forever.  I've got to be fully committed to denying myself everyday and following Jesus or else this ministry thing isn't going to work.  I can't go in half hearted and strive to serve others and get all the bright shiny toys I want at the same time, its an all or nothing commitment (Col 3:23).  I could choose to go a pathway that I know will provide stability, a paycheck and benefits that make me feel secure, or I can follow the road of adventure God is offering that will bring me to life (John 10:10).  

 God "gets me", he knows that I need to experience things to really be sure or completely understand them.  Late Saturday night, as I was driving the back roads to Excelsior Springs I was praying about some pretty big decisions/commitments I'm making in my life right now.  Right as I was trying to gain confirmation that I was making the right choices I came up on a railroad crossing right as the lit up road blocking bar things were lifting.  The red lights glowed brightly against the pitch black sky, then suddenly a car with its bight headlights passed right over the hill between the pillars of light.  At that moment I knew it was God letting my experience his answer.  Now is the time that He is opening the way for me and I've got to go through confidently and boldly, being a light to the world.  It was pretty cool.

Good quotes from the day

"seems to easy to call you savior, but not close enough to call you God

so as I sit and think of the words I can mention to show my devotion...

I want to fall in love with you!"   - Jars of Clay

"The point is I just don't know what the lover knows; I just can't see the artificial obvious that those in the know construct." -Annie Dillard

Today as I was laying on the south lawn gazing up at the corner of FBC I realized why I love detailed art.  The longer I look the more I see, the deeper I'm drawn in, and the farther away the rest of the world seems.  It pulls my focus in from a big broad mess to the center of all beauty and created things.  It is very seldom that I can find a place where I am actually still before God, but I'm glad Ben showed up to work late today, I really needed the 20 minutes to enjoy the grass and architecture. 

Write it

Write your autobiography in 7 words, its pretty cool. There are no grammatical rules just go for it.  I came up with two and couldn't pick which one I liked best so, here they are :

Barefoot depth vive la verite or die  (translation: barefoot depth live the truth or die)

   

Adventure challenging the inside to come alive

A Franciscan Benedition

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that we may reach out our hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in this world, so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.  

Frogs

Every night about 7:30 the sun sets just enough to cause a shadow over the backside of the house.  For the frogs this means it is time to come alive.  Without fail every night we will hear one long screeeech and then the choir joins in.  The surround sound orchestra of frogs takes over every inch of reality.  All thinking comes to a halt for a moment as the ribbiting fills the air.  Tonight I decided not to fight it, but to just sit and enjoy the song accompanied by the sweet smell of honeysuckle... 

then I hear "Bud....WEIS....er" Kristen makes me laugh.  

Thoughts from the Day

I've decided to have a "life verse" its going to be John 17:19, "And I give myself entirely to you so they also might be entirely yours."  I want to live in complete obedience and surrender to God with the ultimate goal being that others would also come to that place of trust in their relationship with Jesus.

My roommate is sitting in her room watching videos of old people with speech disorders loudly declaring "my heart is melting, awh, I love you Joe!" She is definitely someone who has found her calling in life, its cool to watch her enjoy school.

This morning I went up on the 5th floor of the parking garage and looked out over downtown Springfield.  I was going to read but then I just started praying about stuff.  It was way cool a couple hours later when I went to a meeting to pray with/for the Summer of Lunch staff and they were saying that they needed prayer for the exact things I had already been praying for.  Its so mind blowing how the spirit works throughout the "family."  I think I've been really lucky to come in on this project with nothing but a desire for the neighborhood kids to be blessed.  Its not my money or rep in the church thats on the line so I've got nothing else to think about other than letting God move.  I think somehow I've got to learn to keep that perspective even when I do have something actually riding on the risk I'm partaking in.  

Yesterday someone asked me "why youth ministry?" and I couldn't really figure it out.  When I was younger I just knew that I was frustrated with the state of the church in america and as I was complaining to God about it he said "ya know, you're right, go do something about it."  And the immediate opportunities I had were to work with youth and help them get that Christianity isn't a religion its a relationship.   Over the past few years I've dreamed some pretty big dreams and it seems like God might actually be pressing me forward on one right now.  All I know is that wether its adults, college kids, or youth I'm working with I have to be a part of a change for the better. 

The low tonight is 69 I wish I was sleeping outside! I would do it at my house but there are TONS of bugs everywhere and I am supper allergic to the stuff that grows here :( There was one summer I slept on my deck every night, that was wonderful. 

My First 2 Books of the Summer

Matthew 11:28-30 Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

I'm learning how easy it is for a minister to get out of balance in life and devote way to much time to "work." Its amazing how much fun it can be when you are doing exactly what God has for you! Nothing is "heavy or ill-fitting" and you "learn to live freely and lightly" so you just keep on doing what you love. I'm trying to start creating a balanced life now before I even enter into the "real world" so that hopefully I won't get too sucked into my job when I first start. A lot of my thought about this has been spurred on by Making Room for Life by Randy Frazee. It talks all about "trading chaotic lifestyles for connected relationships." What I need out of life is a small number of deep relationships and I really want to find a church community where I can live that out. As easy as it would be I don't want to just get caught up in the hurried, categorized American lifestyle, I want to live differently even though it will take some work. the book presents the hebrew model of living which devotes 12 hours a day to work beginning at 6am, time for relationships from 6pm-10pm and time for sleep from 10pm-6am. I could really benefit from having those 4 hours at night durring the school year to just spend with friends/family.

The second book I've read so far this summer is The Next Generation Leader by Andy Stanley. I kind of felt like it was a summary of Hybles and Maxwell condensed down to 135 pages. But, it was still pretty good. I was reminded of the importance of Competence, Courage, Clarity, Coaching and Character. I have definitely learned that I go farther when others are involved in my life, I hope I can find a good "coach" when I get started in a ministry.

I think my third book is going to be The Seven Checkpoints by Andy Stanly, its a little longer I don't know if I'll be able to finish it in a week, but I'll try. I've also started Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard. I pretty much love it. I really like her writing style! Its a great book to slip into to escape the world for a few minutes of tranquility.

La Vida Local

Man, this week seems like it was a lot longer than 5 days of "work." But I loved every minute of it! Each day we had students from 10-10 to do our La Vida Local mission trip. We started each day with a group devo and reading and discussing a chapter of James and then we were off to work on the Summer of Lunch activities. We had an average of about 3 kids a day come for free lunch, games/activities and a short bible story. It was kind of a slow start, but it was still fun and we are hoping more students will show up once summer school is out.

In the afternoons the some of the youth would go out into springfield and serve the community by sweeping sidewalks, cleaning bathrooms, and working in the community garden. We also did a $100 challenge where each of the two teams of students got $100 to spend to bless the community. My group spent $10 on cookie supplies and delivered them to the Ronald McDonald House and spent the other $90 on diapers, lotion, shampoo, blankets, onsies and wipes for the pregnancy care center to give away to their clients in gift baskets.

Two nights of the week we went to families homes and just hung out and ate dinner together. I really enjoyed the time to just get to talk, swim and play games with the students. I also got to have some great conversations with Adam about ministry and life and such things. I'm so blessed to be able to work with him this summer. He's really great at finding time to invest in me, I feel like I've learned a ton from him in these first couple weeks.

I'm a total kinesthetic learner, I could sit in 4 years of classes and read 65 books and still feel totally unprepared for serving as a youth leader. But actually getting out there and leading devos, praying with people and working together with a team has taught me a great deal. Its also been a good confidence builder.

This week was wonderful, but being the introvert that I am I'm going to retreat into the woods tomorrow and spend half a day alone to get reenrgized for next week.

I have the best summer internship in the world!

Thursday

Today was the first day I got to work in FBC's victory garden, it was great. They use it as an outreach ministry, pretty creative of them I must say. It'll be a good challenge to get me to try to bring up spiritual topics in conversations with people I'm just getting to know. We also went and picked up a 15 passenger van full of food for Summer of Lunch and loaded the freezers. Its fun doing the normal everyday ministry things that just have to get done when you're working with cool people. One of the things I was most worried about in finding a job after college was finding people to work with that I would fit in with well. God has totally blown that away, he obviously knows what he's up to.

Internship day 3

Today was great! I started off with a nice bike ride then headed to church. For the first hour an a half I got to sort ceramic paints and then we had a summer of lunch meeting. This meeting then turned into a trip to get free Andy's and a stop at the grocery store for snacks. It was really fun just getting to hang out with everyone and laugh a lot. And apparently I was being observed durring this grocery shopping experience, after we got back in the van Adam (the youth pastor I'm working for) told me I passed because I had the perfect amount of "confidence and scorn." I might have been a little sarcastic when he was asking me rediculous questions, luckily he thought it was funny. So we bought a bunch of food and I spent my afternoon baking brownies, and lemon bars, making no-bake cookies, and cutting watermelon for our last day of school party after youth tonight. About 10 kids showed up which was kind of rediculous, but as Adam said this is how it goes sometime, you go all out and plan a fun party and then people just don't show. He's really cool about taking every opportunity to teach me important youth leadery stuff and fillin me in on the things I need to know to fit in at youth group like the zip-lock dance they created. The longer I spend at FBC the more excited I'm getting for the summer. Adam, Becky (rec. leader), Ben (youth/summer of lunch helper), and Marisa (student leader) are going to be great to work with, we laugh a lot together! God is so good!

summer

My internship is going great, I have now cut out a total of a gazillion circles, hands and feet to decorate for our first week of summer of lunch.  Our themes for each week are games and our first one is twister.  

This summer I'm attempting to stay as white as possible, today I'm not doing so well as I ran without sunblock and am now sitting outside at Panera typing.

CCH tonight yeah! The AA meeting is gathering next to me right now, its a really good picture of how the church should be! Rich and poor people of all ethnicities that legitimately care about each other.  You can tell as they ask each other how they are doing and really listen and engage in conversations that actually matter, and give up their seats for one another.  We can learn a lot from watching others.

My week off

Last week was wonderful I got to 

-spend 2 days with my grandparents and cousins

-go to the movies

-hang with my little bros

-hang with my high school pals

-go camping

-go water skiing

-go to a great baseball game

-and ate a ton of really good b-b-que

Most importantly I got to spend a lot of time outside. God spoke to me as I looked out over the calm lake and said "just be."  after taking 18 hours this semester I was in go mode all the time.  I wanted to talk to God but he wasn't responding fast enough, or teaching me anything, and I didnt have time for that.  But then God said to "just be with him" and everything changed.  I was hungry for time with God and I couldn't find it until I stopped moving at 100 mph and just hung with God and let him make the agenda.  He spoke to me through the lightning bugs, the sweet summer night air, the numerous colorful birds, the sun, the damp forest and new baby kittens.   He reassured me that He was there, all around, and he was breathing life into me.  

  I loved getting to spend time with so many friends, but I'm also glad to be back in springfield taking it slow, spending time reading my Bible and serving at FBC. God is awesome.