"Do I stay or do I go now"

97% of the world's trained ministers serve 3% of the world's population.  That is 97% of the world's trained ministers are right here in the USA.

70% of Kenya is under 21 years old...talk about youth ministry opportunities.

I miss Africa a lot.

Once a month I have to go to this meeting for a scholarship that I get.  Tonight the speaker that was there was a missionary from Kenya.  Just when I think I'm starting to figure out that I really am supposed to be working with youth in the states I hear a sermon that gets my heart on fire again, longing for the people of Africa and Guatemala and Mexico. I'm so torn right now.  Its ok though, I know what I'm supposed to be doing up till the end of May and thats good enough (or so I'm trying to convince myself).  I know one thing for sure, I changed a lot during my two years away.  Its weird being back hearing the traditional old school southern baptist preachers sayin stuff like "Beloved let us pause for a moment to pray for our benediction..."  Its very tempting to slide right back into the cycle of church ministry that I was raised in.  Youth ministry could be super easy if you just go through the motions, put in your 40 hours and then call it good for the week.  But that it what's gotten us to where we are today with 51% of youth pastors saying their students aren't getting to know Jesus at church and 38% of Christian youth saying if you're good enough you can earn your way to heaven.  If I'm staying in the states I refuse to lead a ministry that produces anything but sold out disciples.

Free to Be Me- Francesca Battistelli

At twenty years of age
I’m still looking for a dream
A war is already waged for my destiny
But You’ve already won the battle
And You’ve got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see, ’cause

I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I’m so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I’m free to be me

This totally is one of those christian songs that has been written at least 18 times.  But, I still like it cause well, I've got more than a couple dents on my entire car and my clothes have never been "cool" and, the whole perfection thing left me crashin and burning a long time ago. Pretty sure I'm the clumsiest girl you'll ever meet, but its all good.  Even though I don't even know my own dreams right now God's already won the battle for my heart and he's got great plans for me.

Peace

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.  See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.  Hebrews 12:14-15

  It is my responsibility to make sure no one misses the grace of God! I may be their only chance to see that grace.  That is a big deal.  If I am not living in peace, and I am letting bitter roots grow up in me its going to cause trouble and hurt more people than just myself.  I better not be living in such a selfish way that I want to hold on to grudges more than make God's grace known to the world.

Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. James 3:18

  If I'm going to be a peacemaker I have to take action to sow in peace.  This will in turn result in a harvest of righteousness.  Its cool how this connects with Matt 5:9 I can go back and see that this harvest of righteousness in my life will be the reason I will be called a child of God.  Peacemakers produce righteousness and are known as a child of God.

God Stuff

God's been rockin' my world a lot lately.  I was kind of scared of fasting for a lot of reasons and had dropped the discipline for almost 4 years now.  Then this last week I thought I felt God nudging me to fast so I thought I'd give it a go.  I kind of felt dumb because I felt like I was saying "ok God, I'm fasting, I'm doing my part, now you have to speak to me..."  I had a great day of focus on God and "felt close" as I was praying through out the day, but didn't really get any answers to what I was dealing with.  But then, 3 days later God starts talking through a friend and a tv show.  I could tell the Holy Spirit was sayin, "Crystal, this is it, this is your answer, are you listening???"  Fasting wasn't a way of demanding that God speak to me when I was ready and waiting, it was God coming to me and saying "hey, how committed are you to this, how bad do you want it, what are you willing to give up?" and it was a time to prepare my heart to hear what he was about to say in a couple days.  Its cool going on these journeys with JC.

  And church today...God orchestrated it perfectly.  I needed to hear about peace and guess what I heard about, thats right, peace.  Matthew 5:9 says Blessed are the peacemakers, John 14:27 Do not let your hearts be troubled, Hebrews 12:14 make every effort to live in peace.  Peace is not some thing I can just sit around and say ok I'm gonna have peace today yay!  Peace is something we've gotta work for. Jesus said that the people who make peace are blessed, not the people who peacetakers, or peacekeepers, but the peacemakers.  If I want to see some peace in my life then I've got to take some action and start fighting face to face whatever it is that's in my way.  Romans 5:1 says I have peace with God through Jesus, ya know how that works? Jesus went and fought sin head on and won the battle, so now there's peace.  Galatians 5:22 tells me peace is a fruit of the spirit, if I want that fruit to start growing I better take some action and start watering my roots and feedin 'em on the word!  I can't just sit back and let the chaos of life run all over me while I'm complaining to God that he says he's giving me peace and I can't find any of it.  I have to step up, face whatever obstacle is in my way, fight through it knowing the enemy has already been defeated and then on the other side claim the peace Jesus is giving me.  I'm going to make some peace in my life this week, I'm going to feed on the Bible more so the fruit will grow, I'm going to face my battles with confidence that Jesus will bring my victory,  and I'm pretty sure its gonna be great.

God is good.

Creation of the week #3

This weeks creation was......Creamy Jello Jigglers.  I would not suggest following any recipe that calls for putting pudding in your Jigglers, it was pretty good but normal ones are way better!  I shared them with the Aviles fam.  The 2 year old and 11 year old had the same first reaction too them.  They had no clue what to think.  The 2 year old ended up eating four of them and the 11 year old barely even tried it.  The one year old and 10 year old had the same reaction as each other also.  It was more of a who cares what this is, I'll just shove it in my mouth.  It was a fun little valentine's day treat.  I didn't hang with a boy on Valentine's Day this year, I hung out with 4 of the cutest boys I know!  I love my lil bros and wish they didn't live 2 1/2 hours away!

Clueless- not just a cinematic masterpiece

Clueless is also what I am when I run.  Tonight I went for a run (on a treadmill so it doesn't really count, I know, I know).  I'm starting to get a little tired so I look down to check out how things are goin...I see 7 minutes 40 seconds and think "man, I definitely should have used my inhaler before I started."  Two minutes pass and I look down again, this time completely removing my magazine to see my distance which reads 2.09 miles. I stared at it for at least 10 seconds trying to figure out what in the world was going on.  Maybe the computer never cleared after the last person got off I thought.  Then, looking at my time once again I realize I had not ran 7 minutes, but 17 and now I was up to 19.

  When God was creating me he never once thought "and this girl is going to be an awesome runner!"  I can not even keep track of breathing and keeping my arms moving at the same time.  I have a lot more respect for those track and cross country crazies now, a lot more goes into running than you'd think.  Whenever I think of running I just laugh at myself.

Creation of the week #2

I've decided its really nice living in Bolivar and being able to focus on school during the week and then having a second home with my pals in Springfield for the weekends.  This past weekend I went to my friend Sarah's house and we made Valentine's Day cookies together!!! Then, since sharing my creation is part of the deal, I took some cookies to the cool kids that live in Wells at  MSU.  I think my creation this week is going to be Jello Jigglers! Oh and sorry for the lack of creativity with the photo this week, my hands were all dirty so I couldn't take my own pic!

Motivation

Tri training is awesome!  My motivation has become my running times.  Getting faster, getting through a run without looking at the time, and being able to breath just feels so good.  Last Sunday my goal was 2 miles in 20 min. I got 1.99 miles, I was so ticked.  This week, same goal, 2 miles in 19:45!  It was an amazing feeling, I actually even ran a little bit more after that just 'cause I could.  

Ministry training is equally as awesome.  God's slowly putting pieces of my "vision" puzzle together for me.  This is a major part of my motivation: "There is a church not too far from us that recently added a $25 million addition to their building. Our local newspaper ran a front-page story not too long ago about a study revealing that one in five people in our city lives in poverty."  I read that and almost started crying in the middle of Mardel.  Its on the back cover of "Jesus Wants to Save the Christians" I'm hoping to come up with $10 so I can buy it soon!!!

Books and Bolivar

I read about 300 pages this past week.  That is crazy.  100 of those were voluntary because I got new books this weekend that are really really good and I just couldn't stop.  I love learning from people who are passionate about this same things I am!

  As I was leaving Springfield this weekend I started pondering the question of why God would have called me out of MSU.  When I was there I was part of a strong Christian community, I had younger girls to meet with, a small group, and service opportunities to be involved in every week.  I was busy livin' like a "good Christian chick" should.  And in Bolivar, I have nothing.  As I was thinking through these ideas a few things came to mind... First of all, obviously the classes here are going to make me better prepared for ministry.  And being here where there are not a ton of activities going on all the time is giving me a chance to work on the little details in life,  like building up my character.  In these next couple of semesters I have a lot of growing to do that is going to take a lot of attention.  If I want to become a member of a strong leadership team at a church then I've got to be training now so I don't end up being the "weak link."  I needed to be reminded that God doesn't really care about all the big things I was doing for him, he just wants me to follow him and be obedient to the little everyday things he shows me along the way.  

I'm leavin' on a jet plane...

Just playin', I'm not going anywhere. I've now been in the good ol' U.S.A. for almost 6 months straight. It's not normal for me...I feel like I need to get out!!!

Creation of the week

I've decided to make a new creation each week, and to try and share it with others.  This week its Chocolate cupcakes with chocolate pudding, chocolate chips and chocolate frosting :) MmmMmmMmm! Bring on the football! (I think trying to figure out how to take a good pic is going to be about as much fun as making the creation, I like photography a lot!)

Redemption

Redemption:

the purchase back of something that had been lost, by the payment of a ransom.

This redemption thing really came alive to me for some reason this morning.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've been watching "24" all week which illustrates this concept in every episode.  Like when Agent Walker gets taken by the "bad guys"  her boss, and obviously the man that loves her, is terribly upset and does everything he can to get her back.  Its a great picture of God's broken heart for the people he loves that have been taken by "the evil one," and how he searches us out to get us back.  Jesus' death made more sense to me when I viewed it as the ransom that had to be paid, there was nothing else that could have set me free, God gave his son's life for me because he was all that would suffice.  I would never say that I was worth dying for...but God said so, and He did everything He needed to to get me back.