Just talking

I'm kind of annoyed at myself for accepting things so blindly as a teen, taking whatever any youth pastor told me as truth and not really testing it out on my own. Now that I'm going back and searching to find out why I believe what I do, and why I need to do what I do my faith is becoming a real part of me, not just some backpack I carry around to add on to who I am.

I was shocked the other day as my eyes were opened to the reality of the state of my soul. I've been severely disconnected from God. I was thinking about how much I want a friend of mine to know Jesus, but then I just thought "WHY?" This "relationship" I have with Jesus isn't making any difference in my life right now, I am just as stressed and worried, if not more than the majority of the seniors on Missouri State campus about my future. This "relationship" is not granting me peace. I am just as insecure as any other girl on campus, this "relationship" is not granting me security. I realized that I was just going through the motions, I have been trained to see a person, label them a sinner in need, and automatically say "they need Jesus!" So, Im stepping back, trying to rip off all the crap that I've just tacked on because I was supposed to, and am seeking the simplicity of talking with Jesus. I know that there is peace and security and love to be found in Jesus and until his life is transforming me I will not be who I should be, nor will I have the right motives in any other relationship.