SDC Moonlight Madness

I had one of the greatest nights at Silver Dollar City last night! We got there at 6:30 and had 3.5 hours to get on all the good rides. Weather.com had been forecasting rain all day so the crowds were quite small (it never rained on us and we actually saw the sun set from a few of the rides). I went down with Kristen and Ben and we flew from ride to ride getting completely drenched on the first 2. Riding the Barn Swing and Powder Keg in the dark was awesome! It brings a new level of intensity to a roller coaster when you have no idea what's coming next because everything is pitch black! SDC was great but the ride home was insane. We stunk so bad from sweaty, wet clothes, chacos and wet tennis shoes. We were freezing to death but we had to keep all the windows open or else we would barf from the smell. We just kept laughing at ourselves and dancing to some good beats on the radio until we finally made it back to Springfield to shower. I'm so thankful for the great friends God has been giving me!

My Utmost

Becoming entirely His

Let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:4

Many of us appear to be all right in general, but there are still some areas in which we are careless and lazy; it is not a matter of sin, but the remnants of our carnal life that tend to make us careless. Carelessness is an insult to the Holy Spirit. We should have no carelessness about us either in the way we worship God, or even in the way we eat and drink.

Not only must our relationship to God be right, but the outward expression of that relationship must also be right...Beware of becoming careless over the small details of life and saying, "Oh, that will have to do for now." Whatever it may be, God will point it out with persistence until we become entirely His.

Random thoughts

Its always when I feel that God is being silent that I realize my life is chaotic and God's right where he always has been, I just haven't been listening.

I had a chance to apply for what would be pretty much the sweetest job ever. I was encouraged to apply so I started praying about it. I pretty much started freaking out. I was laying on my futon almost in tears when it all started becoming very real to me that this really is my future. I really am going to be a missionary, I really am going to be taking risky jobs and be called on to lead, God really is going to use me. Its scary, I don't feel prepared, I have 100 excuses why I'm not the right one. But for some reason I'm still divin' in. I think a job in an established church might be too tame for me... Maybe I'll be a church planter the rest of my life? Only God knows... I didn't apply for the job, God has shown me where he is at work here in Springfield and I am joining him here. He knows better than I do what the "sweetest job ever" for me will turn out to be.

Crazy Love by Fancis Chan is pretty great

I can't wait to: go to Silver Dollar City this week, go for a long bike ride with Matt, buy something to wear for my tri, to start school

My Heart

Suffocation of a wild heart brings longing for rebellion.  Like animals caged in a zoo, to be released is not enough, only in running as far and as long as possible is freedom found.  Years of pressure, prodding, pushing and pulling dim the fire within the soul.  It is inevitable that the untamable spirit will break away with characteristic immoderation the only question is will it bring the end or will the spirit find freedom to soar?

Into the Wild

“Just remember if you want something in life reach out and grab it!” – Alexander Supertramp

I watched "Into the Wild" this week.  Its about a boy who graduates college, donates all his savings to feed the poor, and then goes off exploring, experiencing the wild, and just living freely.  He changes his name and doesn't tell anybody where he is going.  All he really knows is that he's headed for Alaska.  His radical choices are in response to a life of being forced to live up to others expectations of who he should be and a breaking free from the cage he felt trapped in as a child growing up in an abusive home.  He said and did a lot of things I could really relate to.    There have been quite a few times in my life when I've felt like if I could just get away for a while and not tell anyone where I'm going or what I'm doing then I could get a fresh start on life, live freely and be the real me. One of my favorite parts of the movie is when he quotes Henry David Thoreau saying "Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."

"The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences"

"It should not be denied that being footloose has always exhilarated us. It is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression and law and irksome obligations. Absolute freedom."

"God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things." 

The Sky

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  

1 Cor 10:31

There is one of the most amazing sunsets ever tonight!  I'm talking deep blue clouds with purple, hot pink and golden orange sky behind them.  The crazy thing was I was facing east when I first noticed it.  This sunset was so radiant that it was reflecting off of the clouds on the opposite side of the sky.  If I hadn't seen those clouds I would have never known what I was missing, I would have never known that I should walk to the other side of the apartment and look out the window.  I want to be like those clouds, I want to be a beautiful reflection of God, one so intense that others will stop and look to find the true source that is making my life different.  

Desperation

I don't know why Desperation is so different than a lot of churches I've attended but every time I go there its like God has been waiting for me to show up so he can start workin in my heart. I never know where or when its coming but a verse or line of a song always hits me and God brings to the surface something He wants to deal with in me. Tonight God wanted to get me straightened out on a few things concerning the way I believe my relationship with Him should be and how He really wants it to be.

Over the past 9 years I've been around a lot of Christians who believe that we should constantly be coming to God with a "have mercy on me, a sinner" attitude. And, for as long as I can remember I've had coaches and other people close to me who were constantly telling me what was wrong with me and putting me down. I had a horrible self-esteem and God came over and told me that I was his chosen daughter who was unconditionally loved, perfectly made, and fully forgiven. For the past two years my relationship with Jesus has been one of building up, not tearing down (or a constant reminder that I'm a failure at being a christian everyday) and I recently started feeling guilty about that. Luckily God brought me home just at the right time for me to have a conversation with my friend who reminded me that our burden is meant to be light (Matt 11:30) and we are fully forgiven and washed whiter than snow (Psalm 51:7). I will forever come before God humbly and full of thankfulness for the forgiveness He gives me on a daily basis. I don't live up to the standard Jesus set for me to follow, but I can still come to my God confidently and joyfully accepting the love he pours out on me.

Advice

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." Proverbs 19:20

I used to have issues with people who talked about the importance of seeking advice from other people. I thought all I needed was my private relationship between me and Jesus, He would tell me what I needed to know and He would give me all the clarity I'd need. But, as God is giving me the opportunity to have more strong christian relationships I am really beginning to see the benefits of conversing with others and listening to their wise counsel. This is especially true when I talk with my good friend who will quote verse after verse for me. I know that what he is sharing with me is not just a bunch of bull, but a collection of what I need to hear from the Word. God has created us all differently and I think in return we all see different part of Him. When we share with each other we get a more complete picture of our God, and a deeper understanding of his will for us. I love it when God teaches me new things!

"For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her." Proverbs 8:11

Real life and the Movies

  I saw an old acquaintance tonight mopping the floor at Braum's.  It was hours ago, but I still can't get the look in his eyes out of my head.  You could see that he was exhausted and just longing for something more.  He is well known for being the voice of all religious mockery on the MSU campus.  He successfully started a "church" and gained hundreds of followers atheist, christian, catholic and more who all "worshiped" the flying spaghetti monster, and said "Ramen!" after anyone said something they agreed with (get it, the play on pasta and amen).  He's told me that he is honestly on a search for truth.  He has read the entire Bible multiple times and can't believe that a loving God would allow a father to sacrifice his daughter (Judges 11) and several other things throw him off too.  My heart breaks in knowing that the truth is right under his nose and he doesn't/can't get it.  God can get his attention, God can fill his thirst for knowledge, life, and truth...what's it going to take to make it happen?

A perfect example of how we see only what we are looking for and miss so much is the scene in The Bourne Ultimatum that takes place in the train station in London.  A group of guys miss several opportunities to grab Jason Bourne because they are focused on catching a reporter who possibly has links to him.  To quote Rafiki we've got to learn to "look beyond what you see," or as Annie Dillard would say we have to learn to see the "artificial obvious."  God is moving all around us, God is speaking specific truths to us daily in the Bible, but our point of views and our focuses make us miss so much. God, open our eyes...

10 Things I've Loved about This Week

1.  4 great workouts at the Y!

2. 2 delicious iced pomegranate teas from Big Mamma's

3.  Wednesday night's speaker - A guest speaker shared the story of her survival of an infection causing her to lose both hands and feet, and how her relationships and connections helped her make it through.

4.  Dinner at the park with my roommate- Buckingham's Mmmmm!

5.  Reading half of Activate - a book about a new approach to forming a church of small groups, rather than a church with small groups

6.  Talking with a real live female Ironman triathlete!

7.  Ice cream cones with Kristen as we walked through Nathaniel Greene

8.  Reading in the perfect breeze on the south lawn at FBC

9.  Some great honest prayin' with Jesus

10.  Sleeping on a futon mattress with the windows open and fan on 

4th of July!

I had one of the greatest 4th of July's ever this year! It was one of those "absence makes the heart grow fonder" moments.  I haven't had a traditional -everyone out a Grandma and Grandpa's farm-  4th of July in something like 4 years and this year we got to do it again! We shot fireworks all day long, even when it was raining on us, got covered in dirt and firework ashes and ate dinner out on the front porch.  My cousin, Jed, was back from the war and it was really great to see him, seeing as how I haven't gotten to see him for a few years at least! He's all grown up and mature now, its so weird!  And, we got a call from Jessie who is currently in South Africa!  When it finally got dark we could look down over the entire horizon and see fireworks going off in every direction! It was such a wonderful day.  The farm will always be one of my most favorite places in the world!