If I had $30 to spend on gas every weekend I would drive 3 hours to go to church. I don't know what it is, but there's just something about Desperation Church that seems so real, and connected to with God. A huge part of it has to be the people that make up the church body, its not just the leaders for sure. Watching multiple families take communion together and pretty much everyone getting lost in worship helps bring me one step closer to the union with God that I'm so hungry for.
This weeks message was entitled "Living Trust" and it was deffinitely what I needed to hear as I'm getting ready to jump into a new ministry setting for the summer. I wish I could understand more clearly how God works, maybe its just one of those mysteries we're not supposed to get until we're in heaven, or maybe its just something that comes with time, but for some reason God just totally "restored my soul" this weekend. I wasn't even asking for it or close to understanding what I needed, but God came and gave me Life again! I hate Christian cliches, I guess what I'm really trying to say is God came to confront me this weekend, as I did my best to abandon everything else that was going through my mind at the time, God was ripping fear, doubt, shyness, and stress out of my core and refilling me with the abundant life John 10:10 talks about. He was giving me freedom, confidence, peace, joy and excitement for every area of my life.
As the sermon about Living Trust progressed I started to have flash backs of the year I got baptized and I realized how confident I was, and how passionate I was about knowing God, and being obedient to him no matter what it took. It was all about trust, when I first came to God and accepted the forgiveness he gave me for the crap life I'd been living I was overwhelmed by his love and he was so real to me. God made things happen that I could never explain (like getting me into a college with scholarships that I never applied to), and I knew he had my back. Then life happened, 5 years of rough relationships, starving children in 3rd world countries, dealing with junk from my past, and doing ministry with real people who have real doubts, struggles and issues everyday got the best of me. Somewhere along the way all of life just started to pile up and it gained more of my focus than God. Without a steady, solid, passionate church family to stand beside me I was slowly slipping away from my trust and love for God.
But, then there was saturday night. As twelve pictures of kids being tossed up into the air (see above) flashed across the screens I started remembering freedom and life and trust again. God broke away all the gunk that had been clowding my view and brought me back to the place I came to know 5 years ago. As I'm getting ready to start a new internship the summer I am totaly excited and at peace! Just like those kids I want to be thrown into wild things, with my arms wide open ready for whatever comes my way and my feet ready to go wherever God leads I can live joyfully, confidently and at peace because I know I can trust the God who throws me up to come catch me.
"Our trust in a person has to start somewhere other than the person's size and strength. It starts in their proven character over time." God has proven to me so many times by his character that he is worth trusting. But, just believing in him isn't going to be enough, I've got to live out a life that is revealing my trust in him.
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