A couple weekends ago I had this encounter with God. I don't really remember what the sermon was about that Saturday night, I just remember that I knew I had been in the presence of someone Holy. I went on a drive afterwards to just process and have some time to chat with God. That evening was one of the moments that it seemed my calling to youth ministry was unquestionable. But at the same time it was just as clear to me that I didn't have what it was going to take. With as much attitude as I could muster I shouted to God "What in the WORLD are you thinking?" and instantly as if God were sitting in the car right next to me "Watch it, Job!" echoed in my heart. I felt the size of a pea as the dialogue of Job 38-40 began running through my head:
"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge. Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!" (Job 38:2-5) "Do you have an arm like God's, and can your voice thunder like his?" (Job 40:9) "What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings?" (Job 38:19-20)
Who am I to question the way God chooses to use me? Who am I too tell him what his creation is good enough to be used for? Like Job I simply replied "I am unworthy—how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once... but I will say no more." (Job 40:4-5) I made my way back to the house and made wandered inside. Feeling the weight of my guilt I picked up the cutest 2 1/2 year old in hopes of finding some comfort, he looked at me for a second then leaned over and gave me a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek. I almost cried as once again I felt God say "that's from me, I'll always love you."
I was reminded of this episode today during chapel as our speaker talked about how his childhood experiences of Christianity created nothing but fear in him. God is not just this far off being ready to burn us in hell at any moment we make a stupid comment. He really is loving, and one who offers hope. It made me wonder about how many times I've wrongly interpreted a situation due to characteristics that I/or those I know have imposed on God. We aren't meant to live in fear, but to live life to the fullest in the safety of our Holy Savior.
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