"Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing..." - Charlie Hall
"Tell God you are ready to be offered as a sacrifice for Him. Then accept the consequences as they come, without any complaints, in spite of what God may send your way. God sends you through a crisis in private, where no other person can help you...Tell God you are ready to be poured out as an offering, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be." - Oswald Chambers
In his latest book John Ortberg described "family" using a nautical metaphor. We are each born and given our own ship. The duty of the family is to build you up and push you out onto your own journey with confidence. The family then becomes your dock, a safe place you can always return to for rest and refueling. During college I've discovered that I never really understood the whole "family" concept, but God is beginning to show me. I see now that wandering around for 4 1/2 years with no place to call my "dock" has been exhausting. It's weird but I'm just now finding rest at another dock that always seems to have an open space for wandering ships. There's this weird peace about it all.
...When I fall down you pick me up, when I am dry to fill my cup, you are my all in all...
God, I know what you have for me in the future is good, but right now this kinda hurts. I'm hesitant to tell you that I'm ready to be offered as a sacrifice. I don't want to sing "I love you" right now because it would only be coming out as "I love you because you give me things." I want to know your heart, I want to be able to sing "I love you" purely because I do love YOU, not what you have to offer. I find comfort in the fact that "my heart is set on a pilgrimage" no matter what seems to be going on now I know that the journey towards something more beautiful is continuing. God I persistently long for you. I know you would be more than enough for me if I would just let you be, please break down my pride and fear. Six years ago I would have been singing "I'm diving in I'm going deep" with excitement, but tonight its more of a dipping my toe in to test the waters. I'm moving with ya God but it feels like this person your shaping me into is really girly and I'm not too sure I like it. No matter what I feel, I strongly want to embrace what you are doing. Lord, have your way in me. Amen
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