Its kind of funny to me that as I'm going to SBU as a senior I have no clue what direction my life is going in. When I went as a freshman I knew God was calling me to missions and that is what my life revolved around for almost 4 years. After my internship in Jamaica this summer I felt this peace and sense of completion with my call to over seas missions. For the past almost 6 months now my passion for ministry within the U.S. has been growing, but honestly it scares me way more than eating snails, living in a tent in the third world, or flying off alone for the summer ever did. I feel like Moses (doubtful, unqualified, scared), but I want to respond like Isaiah (Here am I, send me!).
I live in fear entirely too often. One of the first verses I was encouraged to memorize as a my relationship with Jesus was just starting to grow is 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline." Ever since I've known the verse its been powerfully encouraging to know that God has not made me to be fearful and timid, but it has also been discouraging because when I look at my life I see little love, little power and zero self-discipline. It says God has given these things to me so where are they??? I guess there is a choice that I have to make to let that spirit come alive in me... but I haven't quite figured it out yet.
I'm leaving another random chunk of my life behind this weekend, and stepping into a time of learning that will end up in a place God has yet to show me. So with confidence that God knows what he has planned for my life I step out once again into a time of "just being." I'll serve where I see opportunities and try to listen for his voice calling. The adventure of never knowing what's around the next corner begins.
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